"Crazy Face" -- David & Margaret (2006)

[David tracks down Margaret in Thailand]
David: Oh, my God. Margaret, you're alive?
Margaret: Well, of course I'm alive. Now, would you mind telling me who you are and why you're calling me Margaret?
David: Margaret bloody Cochran, alive and well and living in Thailand.


[Margaret insists she's not the woman David's looking for]
David: Okay, so your name's not Margaret, you don't have a baby. Well, in that case, maybe the world is flat, Elvis is alive, and Kevin Buchanan is taller than me.
Margaret: Now you are being rude.
David: There's the Margaret I remember. Are you going to go crazy on me? You know what? This is working out better than I even imagined. So what that I don't have the baby. I got the corpse right here in front of me.


Margaret: I don't know any Spencer, or Todd, for that matter.
David: Todd Manning! The guy that you shot in both of his legs on his wedding day, held him captive in a mountain cabin until you tried to blow him up. That Todd Manning?


[Margaret speaks in Thai to two police officers]
David: (to the police) I don't know if either of you speak English, but whatever she just said is a lie.


[David tries to get the Thai police officers to listen to him]
David: See? (he points at Margaret) Woman, dead. Should be dead. But she's not. No, she's not. She's alive. She's very alive.
Margaret: They don't understand a word you're saying.
David: Okay, listen to me. Woman: bad! Bad! In cahoots with bad, horrible man.


[David is being arrested as Margaret stands by watching]
David: (to the police officer) Let go of me. I -- she's the one you ought to be arresting. Take her downtown. I have been arrested all over the world. I have never been treated like this.


Margaret: Look, it's not every day that somebody comes to my door claiming to know me and carrying on about some people named Todd and Spender.
David: "Spender?" No one's named Spender. Spencer -- Spencer Truman! The guy who used you to frame Todd to get him out of the way. You remember Todd, don’t you, the one you were madly in love with?
Margaret: You're crazy.
David: I'm crazy? Look, I don’t blame you for pretending to be somebody else. Being Margaret Cochran probably doesn't go down too well with the authorities.


David: I'm getting to you, though, aren't I? You're starting to remember.
Margaret: No.
David: Yeah, I can almost see it in that formerly crazy face of yours.


[Margaret has David released from police custody]
Margaret: I told them I made a mistake and I'm not going to press charges anymore. That's what you wanted, right?
David: Oh, thank God.
Margaret: Uh, no -- "thank you, Margaret."
David: There's Margaret. Thank you, Margaret. Thank you very much for your hospitality in the hamster cage.


[David snaps a cell phone picture of Margaret]
Margaret: What did you just do?
David: You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
Margaret: Everybody knows that.
David: This one's worth a whole lot more. It's going to save my life. Let's say I did something bad, like shooting a cop. Well, this picture is going to guarantee that no one can touch me.


[David calls Spencer on the phone]
David: (handing the phone to Margaret) Someone would like to reach out and touch you.


[David is on the phone with Spencer]
David: Margaret, would you give me a few private roaming minutes with my big brother, Spencer?
Margaret: Oh -- okay. I'll wait for you over there. But this is really weird, and I want some answers.
David: Okey-dokey. Dead woman walking, away. Not too far.


David: (to Spencer) You make sure that my name is never mentioned in Thomas McBain's murder, and I will never let on that Margaret Cochran is alive and well and speaking Thai like a -- person from Thailand.


Margaret: Well, I officially dropped all the charges against you.
David: Ah, darn it. I was so looking forward to the bamboo nut house.


David: (about Margaret) Keep your friends close, keep your lunatics closer.


[David and Margaret are at a Thai internet cafe]
David: Wait, it says "no internet connection." What kind of internet cafe can't connect to the internet?
Margaret: Calm down.
David: Well, is this an internet cafe or not? You said the red squiggly letters said "Internet Cafe."


Margaret: It's not going to kill anybody if we wait for a few minutes.
David: Uh-huh. Don't be so sure about that.


David: Margaret you were in love with a man named Todd Manning.
Margaret: Well, did he love me back?
David: I know he had very strong feelings for you.
Margaret: But how could I forget somebody that important?
David: It didn't end well.


Margaret: Todd -- hmm. I like that name. It's strong, yet gentle at the same time.
David: That's what people usually say about me.


[David shows Margaret a picture of herself]
Margaret: Is that really me?
David: Oh, it’s you, all right, except you're not dead. Look at that picture -- you're pretty hot without your crazy face.


David: (to Margaret) Spencer is the one who has been setting all of us up. We're going to cut him off at the knees -- speaking figuratively.


[Denton tracks down David and Margaret in Thailand]
Denton: It's time to say sayonara, or as they say in Thailand, "lar-korn."
David: (to Margaret) As a point of order, is that how you say "sayonara" in Thailand?


[Margaret recites poetry for David]
Margaret: "The rain is raining all around, it falls on field and tree. It rains on the umbrellas here, and on the ships at sea."
David: What are you rambling on about?
Margaret: Robert Louis Stevenson?
David: Wasn’t he a president?
Margaret: "A Child’s Garden of Verses."
David: Charming.
Margaret: "In winter, I get up at night and dress by yellow candlelight."
David: All right, all right. Enough with the Dr. Seuss.


David: We got to get out of here. Get packed. We got to go.
Margaret: Oh. It’s too bad. I was just starting to feel at home here. Monsoons and all.
David: We almost just got killed. Did that make you feel at home?


David: (to Margaret) Hey, please relax. Would you like me to give you a foot massage? It’s not like we're in a hurry or anything. John McBain just might show up any second and kill us both.


John: You're saying Margaret was here?
David: Big as life.


Margaret: (to John) Are you going to pistol-whip us next?
David: Margaret, please don’t give him any ideas.


Natalie: What are we going to do, John? How are we going to get them back to Llanview? We can’t go on a commercial airliner with Margaret kicking and screaming here. They'd arrest us.
David: Hold on, I have an idea. Drug Margaret, ship her in luggage. I'll wait here till you get back.
Margaret: Whose side are you on?
John: You know, Vickers, if anyone’s going home in a box, it’s going to be you, so don’t tempt me.


Margaret: If we get out of this mess, I'm going to make sure you get what you deserve.
David: Thanks, Margaret. I'll take a cashier’s check, but I prefer cash itself.
Margaret: I'm talking about ruining my life.
David: Your life was pretty much a train wreck whether you remember it or not.


Margaret: I can't wait for this to be over. God. It's very stressful for me, you know.
David: Feeling stressed, are you? It's been such a day at the spa for the rest of us.


[Margaret and David wait as the police go through Margaret's criminal file folder]
Margaret: What are they doing out there?
David: Probably trying to figure out some new way to make you crack.
Margaret: You're the one that got me into this mess. You brought all of those people right to my door. This nightmare -- it's all your fault.
David: I have my own nightmare.
Margaret: Oh.
David: But that one inside that folder -- that one's all yours.


[Margaret insists she never gave birth to a baby]
Margaret: I wouldn't have forgotten having a baby. That would be monstrous.
David: You got to start reading your P.R.