"What's Your Poison" -- David & Clint (2010)

Nora: Clint. He just tried to sue me for $42 million in damages.
David: Oh, he's really mad.


David: All you did was break up Clint and Nora so you could take advantage.
Kim: No one can take advantage of Clint Buchanan.
David: Many have tried and failed.
Kim: Including you?
David: Including me, but he's my uncle now. This is my family.


Kim: You might not believe me, but I like Clint. He's exciting and sexy and smart –
David: Wait. Exciting, sexy, and smart? You're describing me. The word to describe Clint is "rich."


David: (to Bo) I gotta tell you, ever since Clint lost Nora, he's been an old fuddy-duddy.


Clint: I'm not gonna shoot you.
Bo: You're not?
Clint: I'm gonna shoot Vickers!
David: Me?? Why me?
Clint: Because you told my wife and made her break up with me.
David: Oh, please. You can't make a Vegas stripper do anything.


[Clint accuses David of breaking up him and Kim]
David: Fine. I did or did not do what I may or may not have done out of love for the Buchanan family.
Clint: Say that again, Vickeroshi.


[Viki tries to stop Clint from shooting David]
Viki: Clint, Clint. Clint. Look, I know that you've been through a very rough time.
Clint: Viki, stay out of this.
Viki: No, I'm not going to. Okay? And I know that it hurts you to see other people happy, okay, but you don't want to do this. Not now.
David: Not now??


David: (to Bo) Well, where am I supposed to go, huh? Uncle Clint's entire security detail has got orders to shoot me on sight.


David: (to Jessica) Uncle Clint's coming over here? Oh, man, I left my bullet-proof vest at Pa's garret.


[Clint arrives at Llanfair]
Jessica: David, relax. My father didn't come here to kill you.
David: Oh, yeah. As if he'd tell you. Look, Uncle Clint, if you're gonna shoot me, you'll have to go through Jessica.


David: Uncle Clint, about Kim and this alleged role I played in her leaving you.
Clint: I'm not gonna hurt you, David, so long as you tell me where Kimberly is. Now, I've got P.I.s on this, but she's nowhere to be found.
David: Believe me, I don't know where she went.
Clint: I think you do.
David: I know she was hot, but sometimes we have to give up the women that we love the most because they're just plain bad for us.


[David lies about why Mandy hasn’t been doing swimsuit modeling lately]
David: Mandy was taking a much-needed hiatus. Hmm-hmm.
Clint: Why was that?
David: You know, rehab.
Clint: She's already back on the sauce. What kind of rehab was that?
David: Not for alcohol.


[Dorian is pretending to be with Clint]
Dorian: Oh, David, why would I be remotely interested in you when I have a real man back in my life?
David: Really? Clint, weren't you stag at Pa's wedding, still mourning Kimberly Andrews?
Clint: I am not discussing Kimberly with you.


[Dorian cozies up to Clint]
David: I may vomit. Those two are no more in love than you and I are.
Mandy: How long do we keep this up? This is the longest game of chicken in the history of the world.
David: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna be the first one to cluck.


David: What's your poison, Uncle Clint?
Clint: Okay, but none of that fruity crap.
Dorian: Yeah, none of that fruity crap. Whiskey.
David: You're on. Bourbon?
Clint: It's the only kind there is.
David: Come on, Mandy. You can show me which ones the bourbons are.


David: I want you to admit it. You and Dorian aren't really in love.
Clint: Why would I do that?
David: Well, I'll let you know what happened to your stripper/assistant/ex-Real Housewife of Llanview.


David: Why did you go along with Dorian? What does she have that you want?
Clint: Oh, Dorian is the whole package.
David: Yeah, and she's ticking.


David: If you kill me, my pa will have to arrest you, and I'm not worth it. You don't want to go to jail.
Clint: Tell me about Kimberly. Is it true that you got her to leave me?
David: I was protecting the family name, and the family fortune. I sent her packing.
Clint: How?
[David shows Clint a pin drive]
David: It's all on there. You'll see some blacked-out stuff. That's from Homeland Security. Maybe it was from Animal Control.


[Clint arrives at David’s Moroccan jail cell]
Clint: Salam wa aleikum, David.
David: Is that one of our family secret passwords?
Clint: It's Arabic, meaning "peace be upon you." Learn it because there's one thing that's very scarce behind bars is peace. Have you noticed that?


[David thinks Clint is there to free him from the Moroccan jail]
David: This is incredible. How can I ever thank you, Uncle Clint?
Clint: For what?
David: For showing up. Any minute, this place was gonna go "Midnight Express" on me.


David: Don't you get me wrong. I'm not asking you to dig me out of here personally. Just, you know, spread some of those nice Buchanan greenbacks around.
Clint: I'm afraid it's not gonna be that simple.
David: Are you kidding? You give each of these guards 100 bucks, they'll carry me out of here on a throne.


David: You get me out of here, I will not rest until I find Kim. I will hire a sherpa. I will climb the Himalayas. I swear to you, I will track her down.
Clint: Forget Kimberly for the moment and tell me something. Do you truly think that I was gonna share Asa's fortune with you?
David: What are you talking about? I'm a Buchanan.
Clint: Did you think I was gonna let you and Dorian Lord, of all people, just ride off into the sunset with my family's money? You have a very short memory, don't you, Vickers?
David: It's Buchanan!


Clint: Well, I got to run. Salam wa alaikum, David, and in case you forgot, that's Arabic for "peace be upon you."
David: Clint, I'm gonna kick your ass! That's Buchanan for "I'm gonna kick your ass!"
Matthew: You really think I have a killer instinct?
Clint: It's a Buchanan family trait. Asa had it in spades, and I think I've proven myself in that department, as well.
Matthew: You mean like when you brought the shotgun to my parents' wedding and threatened to shoot my brother?
Clint: Uh, there are better examples, but that'll do. And I'm not gonna lie to you here. There's nothing I would have enjoyed more than putting some buckshot in the backside of David Vickers. And I'm sorry, because I know how you feel about David.
Matthew: It's okay -- I know you have your own reasons not to like him.
Clint: This goes way beyond not liking him. David destroyed my marriage to Kimberly, and the only reason I backed off that day in church was I didn't want to ruin your parents' wedding. But it's all right because someday I'm gonna find a way to pay David back.