"Charming" -- David/Starr 2003-2006

[Starr comes upon David and Dorian discussing renovation plans]
Starr: You're making the house bigger? Everyone moved out on you, Dorian. The only people that live here are River and that new guy [Paul].
David: Charming.


[Aunt Betsy believes Starr tried to kill her by switching her medications]
David: Wow. Those Manning kids sure start young. Got to respect that.


Starr: Why don't you want Aunt Dorian to know about those workmen doing stuff in her room?
David: Because I want it to be a surprise! Did they finish?
Starr: Uh-huh, but good luck with that one. Trying to surprise Aunt Dorian -- she always likes to be in charge.
David: Only sometimes.
Starr: Only when she's conscious.
David: You're a sharp little kid, Starr, with a silver tongue that sometimes I find abrasive but not today because I'm in a very good mood.


[Blair and Starr get into an argument and, as David looks on, Starr runs angrily out of the room]
David: (to Blair) I think she might be a witch.


Dorian: Starr is still missing in New York. Nobody has any idea where she is.
David: Hey, she's a Cramer girl. She's going to be fine.


[David is with Starr, Travis, Adriana and River at the country club]
David: Okay, kids, hit the pool, share the toys, don't fight, stay out of my sun.


[David gets a call on his phone while he's sunning by the pool]
David: This better be important. I'm exceptionally busy. (answers phone) Dorian! Hi. We're at the club. We're at the pool. I'm with the kids. Hm? Yeah, of course I'm keeping my eye on them.


Blair: You have been watching the kids, haven't you?
David: Yeah, they're out there in that general vicinity somewhere. (shouting over his shoulder) Hey, Starr, be careful! Don't do anything I would do.


Starr: Travis called me a geek.
Travis: I meant that in a good way, okay?
Starr: Since when is being a geek a good thing?
David: Hey, you know, Starr, a lot of people used to call me a geek, but look how tan I turned out to be?


David: (about Starr and Travis) Ah, young love. Ain't it grand?


[Dorian thinks Starr broke into her safe before leaving for New York]
Dorian: What do you suppose Starr wants all that money for?
David: In New York City? She's a pint-sized fashionista. She's probably picking up some kiddie couture.


David: Hello, Starr.
Starr: Hurry up and get in.
David: Charming.


[David is dressed as Santa Claus for the kids on Christmas]
David: Santa needs a cocktail.


[at the Love Center Party]
David: Hey, Starr? Stay away from the eggnog. It's probably spiked.


Blair: David, would you mind taking Starr out to the car for me, please?
David: I'm not the nanny. (to Starr) Let's go, toots.


[Dorian and Viki are arguing at the police station]
David: Sorry to interrupt. We got a problem.
Dorian: Blair?
David: Close. The mini edition. [Starr]


[Viki and Dorian can't believe Starr is at the police station]
Starr: Listen, I took a cab. What's the big deal?
Viki: And you paid for it with what?
David: Are you kidding? She's got more money than I do.


[David defends his decision to tell Starr that he was at the police station]
David: She called me from the cab. I panicked. She's intimidating.


David: I understand that Starr is just a kid, but she's not normal.
Dorian: Well, she is a bit precocious. I admit that.
David: No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. Think about everything that she has been through and how she has survived. Could you imagine being Todd and Blair's daughter? Some parents. Individually, they're unstable. Collectively, they're a train wreck. What? Starr knows that. Look, by way of example, is anyone keeping a tally on the number of times she's been kidnapped?
Starr: You know, I love it how you talk about me as if I'm not here.


[Starr has fallen asleep at the police station and David needs to take her home]
David: Wake up, toots, you're too big to carry.


David: So what musician are you into these days?
Starr: I'm kind of into Usher right now.
David: You're too young to usher. Why would you usher? You've got money. Why not just buy a ticket?
Starr: Usher's a singer.
David: I know that. I work for a very cool magazine. I know that.


[at the police station]
David: Come on, Starr, I'll show you where they usually keep the doughnuts.


[Starr is in the hospital after being attacked by Margaret]
David: (to Dorian) I don't care about Todd or his secrets or conspiracy theories. What I do care about is that little girl in there. And I'm going to make damn sure that that redheaded lunatic never gets near her ever again.


[At the "welcome home from the hospital" party for Starr]
David: Hey, look -- bent pizza!


Starr: I need an honest answer.
David: And you're coming to me?
Starr: I know it sucks, but you're the only one that will talk to me.
David: If this is one of those "does my hair look pretty" questions, I'm not very good at that. Your assortment of facial expressions scares me, so why don't you just ask your question.
Starr: Bo was looking for my dad late last night, but he didn't have any news about Margaret. They're not even scared or worried about Margaret anymore. They're just worried that I might see the news or the paper. And my dad, he's just, like, gone.
David: Was there a question?


David: Look, do you really think that your father is capable of murdering someone, even Margaret Cochran?
Starr: David, you're not helping me.
David: I'm trying to help. Hey, you know, today is my wedding day, Blair Jr. You might want to cut me some slack. It's a little stressful.


[Starr and Jack approach David]
Starr: Hey.
David: "Hey," yourself. Aren't you two supposed to be in high school by now?


David: Starr, what has gotten into you? Did you kidnap Jack from school?
Starr: It's cool. I forged a letter from my mom.
David: Good thinking, but next time you run the forgery past me.
Starr: Okay, I will, but I'm glad you're here.
David: You're glad? Why? I thought you came here to see Spencer.
Starr: Because you're a much better option.


Starr: You're sneakier than anybody I know, so I figured that you'd be a great person to help us see our dad.
David: Starr, that is probably the nicest thing anyone your age has ever said to me. But you're talking about sneaking into jail. I don't even know if I could pull that off. And besides, I don't think Blair and Dorian, especially, would like to know that you and I were hanging out when you should be dissecting frogs -- which, incidentally, made me queasy when I was your age. They'd probably have me arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
Starr: You dumped Dorian on her wedding day. Since when do you care what she and my mom think?


[Starr sneaks in through the kitchen door past curfew -- only to get caught by David]
David: Busted.
Starr: Nice bathrobe
David: Nice pants.
Starr: You look old and tired.
David: You look...young and full of life.
Starr: (cheerfully) I win.
David: Darn.
Starr: Good night.


[Starr wants to drop out of Llanview Highschool]
David: Starr, if you drop out of school, you'll never learn that the power of a logarithm of xs equal to the exponent of that power times the logarithm of X.