"Shooting Blanks" -- David/John 2003-2006

[John is suspicious of the fact that Paul ran into David in Puerto Rico]
David: Well, it's a small world, you know?
John: Hmm.
David: Reminds me of a phrase -- "If you travel frequently, you are bound to run into people that you know from time to time."


[David thinks that the Santi money could still be out there]
John: I wouldn't hold my breath. Believe me, the bureau is giving up on it. I'd assume it was a myth.
David: F.B.I. guys tend to be wimps.


John: (to David, Paul and Natalie) You know, I tried to be cool with all of you about this, but now I'm slapping the three of you with a 417 and you're on the next flight back to Llanview. You want to fight extradition? Go ahead. You'll spend the night in jail and I'll have you before a judge in the morning.
David: What's -- what's a 417?
John: Move.
David: (to a random FBI guy) Do you know what a 417 is?


David: This is false imprisonment. I play squash with the district attorney. Why don't you get him over here? He'll tell you you have no case.
John: You know, if you don't stop talking, I'm going to charge you with interfering with a police investigation and just generally irritating me.
David: I know my rights. I've been arrested all over the world.


Paige: David, did you hear what I said? The man you shot, the man whose death I was responsible for, it was Michael and John McBain's father.
David: John McBain the cop?
Paige: John McBain the cop.
David: I'm dead.


[David is trying to get Margaret to hurry up so they can leave Thailand before John arrives]
David: Hey, please relax. Would you like me to give you a foot massage? It's not like we're in a hurry or anything. John McBain just might show up any second and kill us both.


[John finds David]
David: John -- John McBain --
John: You killed my father. Now it's your turn.


David: (to John) So is this some standard operating procedure? You fly halfway around the world and accuse somebody you barely even know of murdering your father?


[John fires his gun]
David: What was that? Was that a warning shot? Consider me warned.


David: (to John) Look, you mind if I get something to drink? Fear makes me thirsty. I'm going to take that as a yes.


David: I can't even imagine how you must feel, but if you want to know the truth, I'm going to have to talk, and I won't talk without a lawyer.
John: Yeah? We'll see.


David: Margaret Cochran is alive. She was in the bathroom, that bathroom when you got here.
John: You'd say anything to save your own skin.
David: You just shot Denton. You killed Denton. You're pointing the gun at me. I'm not lying.


John: You're saying Margaret was here?
David: Big as life.


David: I don't know where Margaret went, but she was here, I swear it on my life.
John: Yeah, well, that's not worth much.


John: We're going back to the hotel, we'll book a flight to Llanview. Let's go.
David: What about Denton?
John: I'll call the local authorities from the hotel.
David: Wait, wait. Maybe we should wait until we skip town, just in case murder's illegal in Thailand?
John: You know what they say -- what happens here stays here.


John: Get your ass in there. Sit down.
David: Can I ask a question?
John: Shut up.
David: May I make a statement?
John: Shut up!


Natalie: David, John is a cop. All he wants is to put his father's killer behind bars. He's not an animal. He believes in the law. You're as safe with him as you would be with any other police officer.
David: That's supposed to make me feel better?


John: She ever mention this secret place to you?
David: Wouldn't be a secret if she told me, now, would it? You know, why don't you just go ahead and shoot me? I'd just as soon be killed for being a smart-ass. You're going to put a bullet in me one way or the other.


John: Um, she must be some sort of math freak. The thing is covered in what looks like math problems or something.
David: She's an accountant. Does it really surprise you that she's a math nerd?


[David has fallen asleep, much to John's annoyance] John: Hey, wake up.
David: (startled awake) I didn't do it.


John: You got a local map?
David: What?
John: Do you have a map? A map of the city?
David: In my raincoat. Uncuff me. I'll get it for you.


Natalie: (about John) He is going to build a case against you that will stick.
David: Yeah, I figured that sometime after he kicked the door in, but before he threw me against the wall.


Margaret: (to John) Are you going to pistol-whip us next?
David: Margaret, please don't give him any ideas.


Natalie: What are we going to do, John? How are we going to get them back to Llanview? We can't go on a commercial airliner with Margaret kicking and screaming here. They'd arrest us.
David: Hold on, I have an idea. Drug Margaret, ship her in luggage. I'll wait here till you get back.
Margaret: Whose side are you on?
John: You know, Vickers, if anyone's going home in a box, it's going to be you, so don't tempt me.


John: You know what? For the right price, we might be able to find a private pilot that's willing to risk it.
David: Didn't you recently survive a plane crash? I'm not getting in some flying steel deathtrap with a guy who wants me dead anyway.
John: If you want to know the biggest threat to your existence right now, you're looking at it, all right? Now that we have her, you're expendable, so don't push me!


David: (to John) Hey, what's Plan B, since Plan A apparently hinges on getting a call through to the United States and all the lines are still down?


Bo: Hey, and, John -- good job bringing Margaret back.
John: Had a lot of help.
David: A little of that help was from over here.


[David and Hugh are going to interrogate David]
David: Okay, I get it -- we're on to good cop/bad cop. Which is which? (looking at Hugh) Actually, you're just a D.A., aren't you? (to John) And aren't you on probation for police brutality?
John: You want to see some brutality?
David: (to Hugh) Give me a little help here?
Hugh: I don't see any of your rights being violated.


John: What? You got nothing to say to me? Don't worry. I'm not going to give you anything to go to I.A. with. I'll let the system take care of you.
David: (referring to Todd) The system almost executed an innocent man. So is that what you're going for? You want to give that another shot?


David: (to Dorian) Cops don't like cop killers. Sons don't like father killers. This analogy could go on and on, but John McBain is not going to let me out of here alive.


John: Do you have any concrete proof that your brother faked Margaret's death to set up Manning?
David: Define "concrete."
John: That's it, I'm out of here.


David's Lawyer: (to John) What do you want?
David: My head on a platter.


Blair: David, you know what? If I were you, I really wouldn't hang out anywhere near John McBain, because you don't need a public scene.
David: Finally, some levelheaded advice. Thank you, Blair.
Blair: You're welcome.


[John has a nightmare in which he watches David strapped to the table about to be executed]
David: You looking for me? This is what you wanted, isn't it? Eye for an eye?
John: I can't hear you.
David: Shades of Todd Manning?
John: I can't hear you. What are you trying to say to me?
David: You've got the wrong guy, lieutenant. Do you hear me now? You've got the wrong guy!


David: John, there's something I want to say to you. I didn't know you were going to be here tonight. I didn't know todd was going to come to my defense. He's a loose cannon. You never know what --
John: What's your point, vickers?
David: Can we talk off the record?
John: About?
David: Your father? Look, whatever I have to say here and now won't hold up in court anyway. You know that.
John: What about my dad?
David: Don't waste your time trying to pin anything on spencer. He had nothing to do with your father's death.
John: How do you know?
David: Because I was there. I want to come clean. I killed your father.


David: John, I stood in front of your father with a gun in my hand. I was sweating, I was scared, and I remember the look on his face. Because it's the same look that I see on your face, knowing that I'm the guy that you've wanted to kill for 25 years.


David: I know it sounds like I'm trying to pass the buck here, but I'm not.
John: Then what are you talking about?
David: As good as your father apparently was, my father was the polar opposite. The two of you may have grown up trying to be just like your dad. Well, I did the very same thing. My exception is that Ned Truman was someone not to be emulated.


[Natalie wants David to draw a sketch of the alley for John]
David: This sketch is going to look very sketchy without a proper easel. Besides, what's the point? I already confessed. How much more does McBain want?


Natalie: Wow. John's right. He's always right.
David: You don't find that annoying?
Natalie: Well, he was trying to put himself in your shoes.
David: He couldn't afford them.


Natalie: You may have really helped John just now.
David: It's the least I could do since I half-orphaned him.


[John comes to visit David in prison]
David: You here to beat me with a rubber hose? I hope not because I already confessed. I'm guilty. I did it.


John: What'd you do with the gun after?
David: Are you trying to break me? Because you can't break someone who's already confessed.


David: I heard my shot. I felt the recoil. There was gunpowder on me, for crying out loud.
Natalie: You'd feel a kick with a blank, and you'd still have G.S.R. on your hand.
John: Think back. Did the shot echo?
Natalie: How loud was it?
John: Is it -- is it possible that the shot was loud enough that the echo might've covered for another shot?
Natalie: Especially if there was someone else on the other end of the alley.
John: As you consider this, consider the possibility that you may have been followed.
Natalie: Are you sure that no one else was there?
David: No, no, yes, no, and what's G.S.R.? You guys are trying to get into my head, aren't you? Well, stop it.


John: You know, I thought you might react differently to the news that you didn't kill anyone.
David: Well, just exactly how is it you think I should be reacting, huh? Should I be happy that for the last 25 years I've been trying to act like it didn't happen? Huh. I changed my name. I pretended to be a member of somebody else's family. I ran from the lies, I ran from the law! And I abandoned Dorian at the altar because of this, the only woman who ever gave a rat's ass about me, and I left her in shreds. And why? Apparently, for nothing, apparently for a crime that I never even committed. Are you aware that my whole life has been based on the fact that I killed someone when I was 16 years old, and now you're telling me that I didn't even do it!


Natalie: We went to see George.
David: Oh, good, you talked to George? Who the hell is George?
John: He saw you with the gun.
David: Would he recognize the gun?
John: I don't know.
David: John, start knowing. We're talking about my life here.


John: I'm not here to save you. It's my job to figure out what happened that night.
David: For the first time in my life, I'm owning up to something that I did. And you're telling me that all the good in my life can be taken away for something I didn't do, a mistake I never made.
John: Don't get carried away with yourself.


[John has brought David some cannoli]
David: Cannoli. I didn't know you cared.
John: I don't. Natalie told me that she promised you these for helping her with that drawing in the alley.


David: That gun was loaded with blanks. I was shooting blanks just like Kevin --
John: Yes, yes, I -- I heard it. Let's not push it, Vickers.
David: Wait a second. (referring to the cannoli) Those aren't Pietrasanti's. Pietrasanti's puts little chocolate chips on the end.
John: Do you want one or not?
David: What, are you kidding? Wait a second. There's no such thing as a free cannoli. You want something from me, don't you?


David: You just don't get it. Spencer -- he's not just smart. He is cool and he's clever. Confronting him will get you nowhere.
John: It'd be fun to rip him apart, though.
David: Tell me about it.


David: If you could pair Lenny with Spencer, I'm off the hook.
John: No, no. Not -- not so fast, Vickers, on the "off the hook." First we need to dig up that slug that was taken out of my father.
David: It wasn't me. I'm telling you, I was shooting blanks, just like Kevin Buchanan.
John: I told you not to tell that joke again. (calling for a fellow police officer) Jones! Jones? Hey, he told that joke again. Get in here, come on. Take him down to his cell.
[John turns around to find David trying to sneak off with the gun]
John: Vickers, leave the gun. Take the cannoli.


John: Vickers, go on in there.
David: Hope you're not expecting me to return the cannoli.
John: Sit down. Don't touch anything.
[David starts messing with the lamp on the desk]
John: I said don't touch anything!


John: The bullet didn't come from your gun.
David: We already know that. My gun was loaded with blanks. I was shooting blanks, just like --
John: I'm warning you.
David: But I like saying it.
John: Last time.
David: Just like Kevin Buchanan!


David: Blair, did you hear I was shooting blanks, just like Kevin Buchanan?
John: Don't -- don't tell that joke again.


David: How many times are the cops going to grill me about it?
John: Once more. I need to talk to you about the night of the shooting.
David: I should start selling tickets.


[John wants David to set Lenny up to confess]
David: You're sure you want me to do this?
John: Stick to the script, all right? What we talked about in holding. You think you can handle that?
David: Yeah, I do. But one thing.
John: What?
David: I reserve the right to improvise. And I'd like to try a character voice.
John: All right, soupy, go to town, but let's get one thing straight. Two things -- I hate bad acting, I hate overacting. To give you a reference point, I like Gary Cooper movies. So let's not overcook this thing. Get the job done. Do you think you're ready?
David: I'm ready. No, wait. (taking a deep breath) Somebody say "action."
[John gestures at Bo]
Bo: (resigned) Action.
John: Let's go.


David: You know, John's a very good cop, Spencer. He's like a dog with a bone right now, you being the bone.


David: (about Spencer) I told him that you're not going to give up on this, and he might as well make it easier on himself and come in.
John: Why the hell would you do that?
David: It's called trying to be helpful. Is that a foreign concept to you?
John: I don't need your help! You probably made things worse!
Natalie: John, give him a break. It's not like he gave him classified information.
David: That's right. Define "classified."


David: You know, I don't have to play along with you. I could just as easily take my brother's side in this whole thing.
John: Yeah, you're right. You could flip a coin and see who gets the top bunk in a 6-by-9.
David: I didn't do anything wrong!
John: Define "wrong." You're an accessory to murder.


David: (to John) You know what? What is -- what is it with you? Wouldn't it be a lot easier on you if Spencer came in here and spilled his guts, and saved so you don't have to go to trial where you might lose? In fact, he'll probably win by offering to install a brand-new liver on every jury member.


John: Spencer's not getting out of this one. One way or another, he pays.
David: Yeah, well, that's what I told him. Look, I'm sorry I didn't get more out of Lenny, or Spencer. You got a stun gun, I'll be happy to give it another shot.


[Hugh brings in some coffee for himself and for John]
John: (indicating David) This guy, man.
Hugh: I guess he needs it more than I do. (handing the coffee to David) Here you go, David.
David: Oh, I get it. Am I supposed to be deciding who's the good cop, who's the bad cop?


John: Let's go over this one more time.
David: Oh, let's not and call it a night -- or day, whatever it is.


John: It's a good bet you're not leaving here until you give me something I can show a judge.
David: Don't you think I want to help? Look, there isn't -- there isn't any more evidence. And asking for it ad nauseam isn't going to change that.


David: John, please understand -- I want to help you. Nailing Spencer would make my life, or the remnants of it he hasn't destroyed.
John: Got him! You know what that's like? We got him and we can't get to the evidence.
David: Unless you want me to make something up, you're going to have to look somewhere else for your probable cause.


[Hugh brings in some coffee for himself and for John]
John: (indicating David) This guy, man.
Hugh: I guess he needs it more than I do. (handing the coffee to David) Here you go, David.
David: Oh, I get it. Am I supposed to be deciding who's the good cop, who's the bad cop?


John: You sure you're not forgetting anything? Maybe something Margaret said to you in Thailand they might be able to use against your brother?
David: I have gone over every conversation I ever had with her over and over. I've come up with nothing. I even thought maybe she was running cover for Spencer, but she was clueless. She didn't even know she had a kid, for crying out loud. You ran into the same brick wall and you're the great interrogator.
John: Okay. We're done.
David: That's it? I can leave, just like that?
John: Unless you want to stick around.
David: No, no. I've overstayed my welcome.


[Spencer is going to be arrested]
David: (to Paige) If there's one thing I know about John Mc Bain and my adventures in Thailand with him, he is thorough. He wouldn't have thrown the book at him yet unless he had all the evidence he needed.


David: (to Spencer) Bo and John aren't just sitting on their hands right now hoping for the best. They're like pit bulls with a shih tzu carcass.


[John attacks Spencer and Evangeline steps in to try to stop him]
David: I don't know. What do you say we let McBain save Llanview some money?


Natalie: All I know is that Spencer is walking around free and John is not very happy about it.
David: It's a chronic condition with him, isn't it?
Natalie: No comment.


Natalie: You know, John could've taken you out without missing a wink of sleep.
David: And this quality is attractive to you?


David: So what do you think? John's not going to rest until he gets Spencer, huh?
Natalie: Right.
David: You know, it's not that I want John to get all cozy and friendly with me. I guess it beats being the archenemy of a guy who can kill people and still sleep at night.
Natalie: You know, in John's defense, you did fire a gun at his father and you didn't know that it was loaded with blanks.
David: That's true. I guess he and I won't be hitting the links together any time soon -- not that I'm a golf guy. Who do you think would look funnier in a golf shirt -- John or me? Actually, that's not fair. All clothes tend to look good on me.


[Many Llanview residents are at John McBain's funeral]
David: I'd like to pay my respects to John's family, but --
Dorian: Mm-hmm.
David: I got a feeling I wouldn't be welcome there.


[The man in the burn unit is actually John McBain, but everyone, including David, is under the mistaken impression that the patient beneath the bandages is Hugh]
David: (to "Hugh"/John) When they start letting you eat real food, I'm going to bring you a real treat. There's a bakery down here called PietrAsanti's. They have got some amazing cannolis. Out of this world. You know, when I was in jail, all I could think about was those damn pastries. Now, you may not be aware of this, but I helped Natalie and John find the gun that was used to kill John's father. And in a way, they sort of thanked me and -- well, since I was singlehandedly the one to crack the case, they offered me a few of those cannolis. All right, they didn't bring the cannolis that were actually from PietrAsanti's, but then again, I did shoot at John's dad, so I sort of consider us even after all. I think John's one of those guys that just thinks a deal's a deal.


David: John was -- he was in the same wreck you were in, Hugh. But he wasn't as lucky as you were. If you call this lucky. You see, John died.
"Hugh"/John: No. No.
David: Hey, hey -- I'm really sorry if I upset you. I thought you already knew John was dead.
"Hugh"/John: No --
David: Well, if I had known that you didn't know, I wouldn't have gone on about those stupid cannolis. But you remember him, don't you? You were right there when I came out of the office with a pink box. There were about four of them left at that point. That was when you told me that things were going to start looking up for me. You know what, Hugh? No one had said that to me in long time, and I really appreciated it. I still do.
"Hugh"/John: Not -- Hugh -- (coughs)
David: You don't feel like you? Well, if it makes you feel any better, you don't look like you. You look horrible.