"How's My Liver?" -- David & Jessica (2003-2008)

[David and Dorian run into Jessica and Antonio in Puerto Rico]
Dorian: Why, David, isn't this the most amazing coincidence?
David: Well, if by "amazing" you mean "happy"...!
Dorian: Uh-huh. What are you two doing here?
Antonio: Well, the same thing you are, probably.
David: Oh, really? Are you two on your honeymoon also?
Jessica: But I thought the marriage didn't happen.
David: Oh, well, that's no reason to cancel a honeymoon, now, is it?


[Jessica arrives at the "Craze" magazine office]
Blair: Oh, my gosh! Thank you, Jessica, for showing up at just the right time. She is going to be our new "Hot Craze" Campus Editor.
Jessica: Yeah --
David: Good. She's qualified.


[Jessica brings Kelly and David some pictures of Ace]
David: Kevin let you see Ace, huh? I thought you were on his enemy list.


[David is surprised to see Dorian at Jessica and Antonio's wedding]
David: What are you doing here, Dorian? Is everyone here aware that you ran over Jessica with your car?
Viki: Okay, that's it. Dorian is here as my guest.
David: She -- am I in Bizzaro Llanview all of a sudden?


[Jessica interrupts the wedding ceremony]
Jessica: Antonio, I -- I can't. I need to do this.
David: (to Dorian) We know how this ends. Let's leave.


[At Jessica and Antonio's wedding ceremony]
Andrew: Now I'd like to ask Viki and Carlotta to come up for the lighting of the unity candle.
David: The unity candle? What do they light that with, the fidelity torch?


Clint: I was just taking a couple of wedding gifts over to Jessie and Antonio's place, that's all.
David: Mine's in the mail.


David: Jessica Buchanan has liver cancer?
Dorian: Yes -- some complications from Hepatitis C.
David: Well, how does a girl like Jessica contract Hep C?
Dorian: Uh -- because, apparently, Jessica's alter, Tess, didn't lead such a wholesome life.
David: I'm very sorry, and I'm so relieved to know there's nothing I can do to help. Anything else?


David: So what's the news in Llanview? Did they find a liver for Jessica?
Dorian: Oh, yes, as a matter of fact, they did. That's what I came here to tell you.
David: Well, that's great news. So who's the poor schlub who has to quit drinking?


David: So Jessica cheated on Antonio, told him it was over, and made off with a slice of his liver for good measure?
Dorian: That about sums it up.
David: Talk about taking a literal pound of flesh. Screams "Buchanan" to me.


[Jessica walks in on David and Viki doing tai chi]
Jessica: Well, what are you doing?
David: Quiet, please. I'm trying to qi gong your mother.


David: You look tense, Jessica. I should probably qi gong you, too.


Jessica: You behave yourself.
David: What would be the fun if I did that?


[Paige informs David, Viki and Clint that David is a liver match for Jessica]
Paige: We would just be taking part of your liver -- the right lobe, and transplanting it into Jessica.
David: Just one liver, huh? But just part of it.
Paige: Right, just the right lobe.
David: Just the right lobe of my liver? Well, I tend to only use the left lobe, so -- okay.


[David is surprised to find out that Jessica needs the liver immediately]
David: I thought we were talking about the near to distant future.
Viki: No. No, Jessica's body is rejecting the first transplant. This has to be done immediately.
Paige: Or by tomorrow at the latest.
David: Why not right now? I'm sure Clint has a buck knife in his boot.


David: (to Dorian) I think giving my liver to Jessica makes up for all the times that I only thought of myself.


[David and Jessica wake up after the successful liver transplant]
David: Hey. I hope you enjoy my organ as much as I did. I feel a whole liver lighter, really -- load off my torso.
Jessica: Stop. I can't laugh with all these stitches.
David: I'm sorry. No more jokes, that includes me. What are you looking at me like that for? I know I must look like hell, but are you aware that I just had major surgery?
Jessica: You don't look like hell. You look great. You are great.
David: Then you don't know me very well, do you?
Jessica: I do. I know exactly who you are. You're David Vickers, my hero.


David: I'm not a hero, Jessica. I'm just a donor, and believe me, the risk was low. I had it checked and double-checked before I agreed to this.
Jessica: You can downplay it all you want, but you saved my life.
David: Yeah. Everything has its price.


Nash: Doctors say you're doing great, thanks to that guy over there. We owe you, man.
Jessica: That's what I've been trying to tell him, but he won't have any of it.
David: I'm being repaid 10 million times over.
Jessica: Sorry, you're just going to have to bear with us, David. You're an incredible person, incredibly generous.
David: You wouldn't say that if you knew me better.


David: I saved Jessica's life. Why can't I feel like I did something good?
Clint: You want it both ways, don't you? You want to take the money and play the hero.
David: I told Jessica -- I'm nobody's hero.
Clint: And this new self-awareness -- does that somehow absolve you?
David: Money, Clint, is what I live for. Money doesn't lie, money doesn't betray you, so yeah, I did it for the money. And you got your daughter back. We both win. So, why don't you consider the $10 million that's resting comfortably in an offshore account just a token of your undying appreciation?


David: Hey, do you have any idea how my liver is working out with Jessica?
Natalie: Oh, Jess is doing fine.
David: I don't care about Jessica. How's my liver doing?


Natalie: So, Jessica and I got drunk once --
David: (muttering to himself) No wonder I had to give her a new liver.


David: (to the Buchanans) You know, if anyone is a friend of this family, it should be me. Nora, are you aware that Jessica is running around with a piece of my liver in her?