"The Lonesome Cowpoke" -- David & Clint (2005-2007)

Clint: You know, your brother seems to have become a major force in Llanview in a very short period of time.
David: Yeah, well, he's a world-famous surgeon. He's got that God thing going for him.


Clint: Asa seems to think that Spencer has this unusual interest in our family.
David: Well, the Buchanans are unusually interesting.


David: (to Dorian) What is this? You having a fling with Clint? Are you aware that he's a Buchanan?


David: (to Dorian) You picked a pretty expensive and classy hotel to have a cheap and tacky throw down with Clint Buchanan. Are you going to tell me which one of you wore the spurs?


David: Oh, come on, Dorian. Clint Buchanan? You think you could do a little bit better than that?


David: (about Dorian) She's just hurting, you know. Still loves me, still hurting over what happened.
Clint: Oh, yeah, is that a fact?
David: Oh, you want to talk fact? Right after she left your room, she spent 30 minutes talking to me. I'll let you interpret that fact.
Clint: All right. Well, thank you for sharing.


Clint: I don't want to know anything from you, Vickers. I just want you to stay out of my personal business, and in the future, mind your manners when you're with women.
David: We weren't talking about women. We were talking about Dorian Lord.


David: Clint is a remarkably sane and mature person, isn't he?
Dorian: Yes, he is.
David: How annoying.


David: You and Clint Buchanan -- weird as hell.
Dorian: Oh.
David: But I'm happy for you.
Dorian: Thank you, David.
David: No, I'm not really happy for you -- I'm jealous. But you always deserved better than what I could give you, so I wish you two the best -- well, not so much him, but I wish you the best.


Dorian: Clint and I are going to be spending a romantic dinner here.
David: Romantic tryst. You and the lonesome cowpoke.
Dorian: Exactly.
David: It's a bad move, Dorian. Clint isn't the trysting type.
Dorian: Hmm.
David: You should rent out a skeet-shooting range for the night.
Dorian: Do you think they have indoor skeet-shooting ranges?
David: I don't know. Why don't you ask Clint? You know, why don't you save yourself some money and just stock up on corn chips, beef jerky, and cheap beer?
Dorian: Are you finished?
David: For the moment.


David: (to Dorian) I've always been a sucker for empty gestures, especially when they're expensive, but Clint -- he's one of those guys that's probably got depth, not to mention molto gazillions.


Clint: (about Spencer) You know, from the first time I met him, I knew there was something I didn't trust.
Bo: I know.
David: Maybe it's the faint scent of sulfur that always travels in his wake. (pause) You get it? Satan?


David: So, do you really like Clint?
Dorian: Oh. David, I think I may be falling in love with him.
[David promptly pours a glass of cold water all over Dorian]


[David defends Dorian to Clint]
David: What Dorian did to Adriana is awful. She's not all bad, though. There's a lot of good in her, and a lot of that good is actually great. I'm aware of that, but are you? The reason I came here is because I want Dorian to be happy. Apparently, she thinks if she's with you, she will be happy, so the sooner I step back and let this play out, the sooner she'll come to her senses. It's been good talking to you, and remember -- I was never here. (he quickly leaves)


[Clint comes upon David on the docks]
Clint: David?
David: Clint. I didn't hear you come up.
Clint: I know that -- I didn't want to scare you. I fear you'd end up in the river.
David: That's a good thing because I -- I can't swim.
Clint: You can't -- what about all those times I saw you at the country club?
David: I'd lay out at Dorian's pool, but there aren't usually enough people there to watch me.


[Clint sees that David is reading a magazine]
Clint: What are you reading?
David: Ah. "Surf Pro."
Clint: Why are you reading a surfing magazine if you don't know how to swim?
David: Research for my new home. I've had it here in the states. I've decided to move to a country that borders the Pacific Ocean.


Clint: (about Dorian) She likes to make her own decisions.
David: Ah -- you don't know Dorian like I do. She's independent, but she likes to let you do the decision-making from time to time, and when she does, that's when you know she really loves you.


Clint: (about Dorian) She'll be sad that you're going.
David: Well, Dorian and I have been in and out of each other's lives for a very long time. That's not going to change just because I'm catching waves in foreign waters.
Clint: David, a bit of free advice -- start with the swimming lessons, and then move on to surfing, or else, you know, the waves will be catching you.
David: You know, come to think of it, I don't like the ocean at all. It's too unpredictable.
Clint: Well, if you want predictable, stay here.
David: Oh, no -- small towns are the worst. Between the marriages and the divorces and the affairs, the babies, my big brother, the sociopathic surgeon? No. You never know what's next in a small town. I mean, think about it -- who ever would've thought that you'd be hitting the sheets with Dorian Lord?


Clint: David, I'm a little long in the tooth to be taking orders from Pa.
David: That is the first thing I think I've ever heard a Buchanan say that I agree with.
Clint: That doesn't mean that Dorian and me will be getting together. I mean, that's my decision.
David: Uh-huh, that's what you think.


David: Clint, what are you doing wandering around the docks in the middle of the night? Shouldn't you be at home cutting a check for Jessica's wedding.
Clint: Oh, I was just taking a couple of wedding gifts over to Jessie and Antonio's place, that's all.
David: Mine's in the mail.


David: Wow I just had a conversation that I enjoyed with a Buchanan! Maybe we got more in common than I thought. Why don't I take a page from your book. Nah, not the integrity thing -- that doesn't really suit me. But the whole cowboy boots/spurs thing...maybe I could rope myself a good woman.
Clint: David, stick with what you know. I'm telling you something -- you'll do just fine.


Clint: (to Dorian) Your source is David? David, who lies more than roadkill on a country highway?


Clint: Vickers is lazy and spineless.
Nigel: And here.
Clint: What?
[Clint turns and sees that David is in the room with them]
David: And since "handsome, witty, and charming" go without saying, the only thing you forgot to say about me is that I'm soon-to-be filthy rich.
Clint: Next time you walk into my house without knocking, I'm going to shoot you.


[Clint refuses to pay David the $10 million Asa owes him]
David: Come on, you're philanthrop-- you're philanthropo-- you're people who give other people money. Consider me a charity. You can write me off next April.


David: Forget about the money. I'm willing to make a deal. My silence for one of your many rooms. It can be one of the ones near the service entrance. You'll never even know that I'm here.
Clint: Get out.
David: I never liked this place, anyway. Too horse-y.


[David finds Dorian, Viki and Clint looking gloomy at Llanfair]
David: I'm guessing you three aren't having a laughing gas party.


David: Viki Lord Davidson Buchanan and whatever other last names I don't remember -- you are one sexy mother --
Clint: (interrupting) Ahem.


[David and Viki face off against Dorian and Clint]
Viki: Well, well, well. What can I do for you today?
Clint: (to Dorian) All right, now focus on what we came here to do.
David: We don't really do duels.


Clint: (to David and Viki) It is our opinion that the four of us should be able to co-exist in Llanview without coming to blows every time we happen to run into each other.
David: Sounds like another empty promise to me, Viki.


Dorian: All of us here have done something to hurt one of the others. I mean, no one here is innocent.
Viki: Well, I suppose I could've been a little more welcoming to you and Clint.
Clint: And I have had my moments, too.
Dorian: And I could be more -- I could be more gracious in the future.
[Everyone looks at David]
David: ...I could wear more clothes?


[David is preparing drinks for July 4th]
Clint: What the hell's this -- soda pop?
David: Called a Cosmo, Clint -- vodka, triple sec, cranberry, and a twist.
Clint: I don't drink liquor that's pink.
David: Afraid of getting in touch with your feminine side there, cowboy?


[Clint is grilling]
David: Fire's looking a little low there, Clint. Should I pour on a couple of bottles of lighter fluid?


[David is worried about the idea of giving part of his liver to Jessica]
David: Surgery?
Paige: Mm-hmm.
David: Scar? Above or below the waistline?
Clint: David, this is not the time for jokes.
Dorian: Clint, I can assure you he isn't joking.
David: I don't want people to laugh at me when I wear my Speedo.


[David is surprised that Paige already wants to get him prepped for the liver transplant]
David: I thought we were talking about the near to distant future.
Viki: No. No, Jessica's body is rejecting the first transplant. This has to be done immediately.
Paige: Or by tomorrow at the latest.
David: Why not right now? I'm sure Clint has a buck knife in his boot.


David: Asa owes me $10 million, and unless I get it, the right lobe of my liver stays exactly where it is.
Clint: You're a heartless bastard.
David: Correction -- a greedy bastard. There is a difference.


[Clint drops by David's hospital room after the liver transplant]
David: Hear you got me my own room.
Clint: You're lucky your ass isn't out in the parking lot.


David: I saved Jessica's life. Why can't I feel like I did something good?
Clint: You want it both ways, don't you? You want to take the money and play the hero.
David: I told Jessica -- I'm nobody's hero.
Clint: And this new self-awareness -- does that somehow absolve you?
David: Money, Clint, is what I live for. Money doesn't lie, money doesn't betray you, so yeah, I did it for the money. And you got your daughter back. We both win. So, why don't you consider the $10 million that's resting comfortably in an offshore account just a token of your undying appreciation?


[Dorian can't believe David gave the money back to Clint]
Dorian: Though, truthfully, it made me very unhappy to see Clint suffer that way.
David: "Suffer"? The guy barely felt it leave his bank account.


[David tries to get Dorian to calm down after seeing Clint and Nora kiss]
David: Just come in here and relax. There are a lot of guns on display in this house, and a few too many trophy heads. I don't want Nora's head to end up on a wall -- or Clint's -- well, Clint's I'm okay with, actually.


Dorian: Where are you going?
David: To kick Clint Buchanan's butt -- or hire someone who can.


[Clint finds Dorian and David in bed together]
Dorian: Oh --
Clint: My --
David: God.


Clint: (to Dorian) You slept with David in my father's house?
David: (to Clint) Nice bed, by the way. Is this one of those memory-foam things?
Dorian: Shut up, David!


[Dorian tells Clint that she slept with David because she saw Clint and Nora kissing]
Clint: Yeah, I kissed her. But I didn't jump into bed with her like this. And if you were there watching us kiss, why didn't you come forward and say something?
Dorian: Because I was so shocked and hurt.
David: Um -- anybody mind if I put on some shorts? My wife could walk in at any moment.
Clint: Your what??


David: Yes, Clint, got married about a week ago. But don't worry; you have a full year to send a gift. Oh, no, I've already been caught in an adulterous act. Hey, do you think it counts if it's with an ex?
Clint: David, you're just so weird, I don't even want to know what you're talking about.


David: Clint, we need to talk, man-to-man.
Clint: Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a very good idea. You want man-to-man? I'll give you man-to-man.
[Clint takes a gun off the wall and points it at David]


Clint: Why are you still here?
David: My wife left me. I have no way to get back to Llanview.
Clint: Well, then you're still going to be staying somewhere in Texas, but it sure as hell won't be here.
David: Not to worry -- I never stay where I'm not wanted -- for long.


David: (to Nora and Clint) You two are out in the open about your affair, then?
Nora: David, this is not an affair.
David: Oh, come on. It was an accident, then? His clumsy lips just happened to bump into yours -- just an accident, right? I'm glad you didn't break anything, except maybe someone's trust.
Nora: Oh, well, that's rich -- you talking about trust.
David: So you two uptight types are going to stand here and tell me that kiss didn't mean anything? You guys don't blow your nose without thinking it through first, making sure it's the right decision. So, in my book, that kiss that you were having was private and it was passionate and it was one hell of a big deal!