"We Should Probably Hug" -- David & Bo (2009)



[David has returned to town as a Buddhist]
Bo: David Vickers taking an oath of poverty. I'll believe that when I --
[David approaches him]
David: I have the sun and the moon. What more could I possibly want? Namaste.


[David arrives at the Buchanan mansion and addresses the family]
David: Clint, you are a brother that a man can look up to. I'm honored to share your blood. I mean that. Bo, I have always respected and admired you, even when you were slapping the cuffs on me. Nora, a sister-in-law before I even knew that I had one. Always very close to my heart. Nigel, you have served my family with grace and an admirable work ethic. And, Renee -- what can I say? Radiant as always.
Bo: Where are you going with this?
David: We're family. You should know how much you all mean to me. And now that you do, get the hell out of my house.


David: (to Bo and the other Buchanans) You know, when I found out that Pa didn't love me enough to accept me as his true son during his lifetime, that was an unbelievable blow. But then to find out that my own brothers didn't want me? That can test a person's faith. But I'll tell you something. I'm stronger than that. I'm not going to let this get to me. I'm going to let these petty squabbles about the family, I'm going to let them slide. And for once -- for once in my life, I'm going to look out for myself.


[David mocks the multiple botched DNA test results that claim that he and Roxy conceived Rex]
David: "You're Asa's son. Oh, no, we're sorry, you're Rex's son. Wait, stop, hold on. Reverse that. You're Rex's father."
Bo: And you had no idea.
David: Bo, how many times do I have to tell you? I did not have sexual relations with that woman.


Kyle: Asa Buchanan is not David Vickers' father. Bo Buchanan is.
David: Bo Buchanan is my father?
[Kyle explains that the DNA results indicate Bo and David are father and son]
David: (to Bo) Should we -- we should probably hug.
Bo: Hey, hey, hey! This isn't funny, Vickers.
David: You mean "Buchanan," Dad.


[Bo admits to his family and to David that he slept with David's mother, Emma Bradley, in 1968]
Bo: I'm not sure that I even knew her real name. She said that -- and I do remember this -- I could call her by any name that I wanted.
David: You slept with my mother, and you don't even remember her name?
Clint: Okay, Vickers. Vickers, take it easy. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your mother was not a frail flower.
David: He barely even remembers being with her!


David: You know, somehow it made sense to me when I was Asa's son -- a conniving, money-hungry womanizer, a chip off the old block -- but Bo? An honest, decent man? A good father?
Dorian: Don't get all misty-eyed. Your father's trying to get us thrown out of here.
David: Bo, I can't help but wonder what I would have been like if -- if I grew up knowing you. Hey, I guess it's never too late, huh, Dad? What do you say we go out, have a catch?


David: I'm sure you're not crazy to have me as a son, but I sure am honored to have you as a father. Look, Bo -- Dad -- I know it's sudden, but there's something I'd like to ask you. I got a bunch of parking tickets that are hounding me, and since you're --
Bo: Just knock it off, Vickers.


Rex: Okay, so you slept with Emma Bradley and nine months later, she gave birth to David Vickers?
Bo: That's the theory. And I wish I'd known because I could've done right by her, by him.
Rex: You can't blame yourself for that. You were serving in Vietnam.
Bo: Balsom, I got home from there a long, long time ago. No. No, I just took what I wanted and I never looked back. And now, David Vickers wants me to take him fishing.


David: (to Viki) You know, it was one thing when I thought I was Asa's son. The old coot was dead, I wanted to inherit the money, but -- with Bo, it's somehow different. I think I respect him.


David: (to Viki) So, am I Bo's handsome son, Dorian's handsome husband, or Matthew's handsome brother?


David: I'm finally a Buchanan, but what do I do with that now? They don't want me.
Viki: Do you want them?
David: Nigel's efficient. Matthew's a good kid. Clint hates me, with good reason. But Bo -- I just wish he would respect me, but that's never going to happen.


Rex: You know, Vickers, he's --
Bo: Well, Vickers -- I was drunk when he was conceived.
Rex: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that to anybody, especially Matthew, unless you're trying to make a point.


David: (to Rex and Bo) Hi -- dads.


Bo: David, um -- I'm sorry that we didn't get a chance to talk.
David: It was a lot to take in. But I want you to know that I meant what I said. I'm honored to be your son.


David: (to Dorian) When I found out that I was Bo's son and not Asa's, that changed everything for me.


Dorian: So who cares if you're not Asa's son? You're still a Buchanan.
David: A different kind of Buchanan. I could be a creep if I knew I was Asa's son. But Bo -- I just can't do that to him.


Bo: (to Matthew) Son, I don't want to lose you. I already lost one of my boys. And today, I found out that somebody that I don't even like very much -- he's mine, too.


Matthew: So David being your son is just a big mistake?
Bo: I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure how I feel. It still hasn't sunk in that -- but I realize something very important. I don't want to let you down. A dad wants to at least like his son. See, I don't feel that way about David.


Bo: (to Nora) Who knows how David would've turned out if he had a decent father?


David: (to Ford) It turns out I was the last stateside roll in the hay for a young...
Nigel: Undoubtedly drunken...
David: Bo Buchanan, who went to war.


Ford: (about the Buchanans) So this family's boring?
David: Boring? Did you see the moat? Ford, my father is the commissioner of police. My uncle is a genuine cowboy. My grandmother was an ex-madam at a brothel! My little brother is the Tiny Tim of Llanview High! Look at this! We have expensive locations, a laundry list of characters. And if you insist, I will reluctantly take off my shirt.
Ford: Your family also seems to hate you.
David: Of course they do. A big dramatic arc: "An epic journey home by a hero."


David: I'm not leaving until my daddy comes home.
Clint: Oh, Bo does not want to see you.
David: He's in denial.
Clint: No, he's not. He's perfectly lucid, and he'd love to throw you in jail for trespassing.
David: And so it continues: Abuse and neglect. (to Ford) My father abandoned me at birth.
Clint: Bo didn't even know you existed, and now he wishes you didn't.
David: Do you see? These people will cut you. I'm going nowhere until my father comes home and faces me.
Clint: Well, genius, get a load of this. Bo doesn't live here anymore.
David: Really? Well, Nora does, and he'll come here to see her. They always make excuses to see each other.
Clint: You don't know what you're talking about.
David: Oh, please. A blind man can see it from the back of a cave or a very dark room. (to Ford) I'm very good with metaphors. Try to get them all on camera.


[The arrival of Bo and Nora stops Clint from shooting David]
David: Dad! Thank God you're here! My dad's here.
Clint: Bo, Nora, you're in the line of fire. You want to get out of the way?
David: He's off his meds, Pa! Put him down before he shoots me.


David: Dad, will you please explain to Uncle Clint that you and I have to spend quality time on camera?
Bo: If you keep it up, I'm gonna give him his gun back.


David: All I ever wanted was a father's love. Is that so much to ask?
Clint: You had a father. His name was Ned Truman.
David: And what did he teach me? How to count cards and deal from the bottom of the deck? A boy needs his father to teach him how to fish. Tell me, Matthew. Tell me the truth. Did our father Bo teach you all the things that a father should teach his son?
Matthew: Like what?
David: Like how to throw a baseball, what a balk is. What is a balk anyway?
Matthew: It's complicated.
David: No kidding. Did he teach you how to bait your own fishhook?
Matthew: Sure.
David: See, that's what I want. To be a son and big brother. To have a family. Is all of that really so much to ask?


David: I'm opening my heart to my television audience so that one day my horribly disfigured little brother might one day walk again, and if all goes well and the show sells, we might secure the movie rights. I will play myself. (to Matthew) You will be played by Zac Efron.
Matthew: Oh, he's good.
David: Jack Nicholson will play Bo. It's gotta be Jack.
Bo: Oh, God help me.


Bo: (about Matthew) Did he tell you why we object to this surgery?
David: He told me it was no more dangerous than a nose job. Is that not true?


Mayor Lowell: I am cleaning house, starting with Commissioner Bo Buchanan. It is time for Bo to go.
David: Hey, that's my Pa you're talking about.


[David shows up at the police station]
David: Dad! Top of the morning to you.
Bo: David, what are you doing here?
David: What, are you kidding? It's "Bring Your Kid to Work Day."


David: (to Bo) Those drug dealers could've brought this town to its knees, but you wouldn't have it. No, you wouldn't. I can honestly say that I have never been more proud of someone than I am of my father right this very moment. Except for maybe myself when I landed that reality TV show gig.


Bo: How the hell did you get in here, David?
David: We have a permit from the mayor.
Bo: Oh, from the mayor? The one that's locked up downstairs for corruption, illegal drug trafficking, attempted murder?
David: Well, then. Glad we got that permit nice and early.


David: Dad, come on. Can't you make an exception for your firstborn son? I finally have a chance to be somebody.
Bo: Yeah -- somebody locked up next to the mayor down there in his cell. Keep it up.


[David picks up one of the Medals of Honor that Bo plans to present to the cops who busted the Llanview drug ring]
Bo: No, what -- what the hell are you doing?
David: Dad, just trust me on this. Trust me. Come here a second. Listen, if I know my dad, he didn't get himself one of these. But from what I read about what you did last night, you deserve one just as much as those guys on the front page of the paper. (he pins the pin on Bo's shirt)


David: (to Dorian, Viki and Charlie) Are you all aware that my own father won't even speak to me because I blew all of my money on my brother's legal bills? You'd think having a little brother with a disability would get me some sympathy, but apparently not.


Bo: This is between my son and me.
David: I'm your son, too.
Bo: Like hell!


David: You can't live Matthew's life for him. He sees things his own way. He's his own person. Isn't that what you wanted? For him to grow up and be an independent person? He took you to court and he won. He's getting that surgery. You say you don't want to lose him, but you keep doing this, that's exactly what's going to happen. If you're going to hit me, just avoid the nose.
Bo: Hit you?
David: Aren't you going to hit me? You look like you want to hit me.
Bo: You -- you just told me what you thought I needed to hear, so....


Bo: When I look at Matthew, I think of Drew, all right? I can't help it.
David: What about me?
Bo: David, when I look at you, honestly, I don't know what to think.


David: I know you never wanted a son like me. But what makes it so hard is, I always wanted a dad just like you. Huh. I see you...work at it. You try to be a good dad, and sometimes, you're really bad at it, but at least you try. That's very foreign to me. Matthew's pretty lucky to have you.
Bo: Have you had breakfast yet?
David: You buyin'?
Bo: I'm your old man. (to the waitress) Steak and eggs.
David: Yeah, make it two.


[David shows Bo footage that he caught of Matthew and Destiny talking about Bo and Nora's affair]
Bo: That is an invasion of privacy. And get off my desk.
David: Well, Dad, I didn't mean to catch Matthew and his little friend. I hid the camera hoping to catch Nigel stealing the silver or something.


David: I wanted to make sure that that DVD didn't fall into the wrong hands.
Bo: Uh-huh.
David: Oh, I know what you're thinking. That I made copies, right? Well, I didn't. And do you know why? Because I couldn't figure out how to do it, so there's just the one.


David: (to Bo) Well, at least now you know that Matthew can stick up for himself, just like me. Put up a good fight, just like me. Now you can be proud of both your sons.


Dorian: (about Jared and Natalie) They practically stole your birthright from you.
David: True, but like my pa, Bo Buchanan, I found that I have compassion in my heart.


[Nevil tried to stop David from getting into the Buchanan compound in London]
Nevil: My apologies, sir. I tried to stop them.
David: Denied at my own dad's front door.
Nevil: I'll contact the authorities.
Bo: No, no. Don't. Please. It won't be necessary because he is my son.
David: Now, if you practice saying that 10 times a day, I guarantee you in two weeks, you won't make that face.


Bo: (to Nora) So after everything we said to one another last night, now you don't want to be around me?
David: Just the opposite, Pa. I believe what Auntie Nora is trying to say is if she's left alone with you, she's gonna jump your bones.


David: I'll back off. But are you sure that's what you want me to do?
Bo: It is.
Nora: More than anything.
David: How can I be certain that's what you want? After all, you both spent years burying your burning love for each other. What? If I don't look out for you, you might end up old and alone.


David: What I actually heard was Nora say that she loves you, too, which I'm guessing means --
Bo: You know, someday, the good Lord willing, I'm gonna have a private moment and you're not gonna be there.


David: You and Nora belong with each other. Anybody can see that.
Bo: What about Clint?
David: Better lock up the shotguns before you break the news.


David: (to Bo) Whatever you do, don't be like me and Dorian, two giving, generous, crazy people in love but too stubborn to say that they belong with each other and therefore destined to always be apart. I mean, sure, Dorian and I are beautiful, glamorous, and fantastic in bed together, but we're not good role models. Learn from us, Pa. No matter how much you may want to, don't be like us.
Bo: Mmm.


Bo: Why do you care so much?
David: I want to see my old daddy happy. Oh, and I can't wait to start calling Nora "Big Mama."


Bo: David, do you think by any chance you're gonna take your own advice and try to work things out with Dorian?
David: Are you asking because you care or because you want a heads up?
Bo: Ah, it's 6 of one, half a dozen -- you know.


[Bo and Nora are returning to Llanview]
Nora: We just have some things we have to take care of in the states, so it's fine.
David: So, time to face the country-western music? You going to tell Clint that you're in love?
[Nora tries to talk but David interrupts her]
David: I will take that as a yes, and good on ya, but I'll give you a piece of advice. Suit up. I'm talking full body armor, because Clint -- he likes to aim directly at the chest, so you got to keep moving, serpentine. It's your only chance, because I'll tell you something -- Uncle Clint, he may be a fine shot, but his eyes, they ain't what they used to be.


David: Nevil, I have come to the conclusion that Dorian and I are soul mates. Do you know "soul mates"?
Nevil: Romeo and Juliet.
David: Brad and Angelina.
Nevil: Troilus and Cressida.
David: Ellen and Portia.
Nevil: Edward and Mrs. Simpson.
David: Bo and Nora.


David: (to Nevil, about Bo and Nora's affair) Uncle Clint cannot catch wind of this. It would be absolutely tragic. Like Shakespeare, only sadder.


Kevin: Are Bo and Nora having an affair?
David: Define "affair."
Kevin: You've said they love each other.
David: Oh, come on. That's just something that people say, like "I promise to pay you back" or "Hey, I just turned 39."

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