"The Benefits Are the Best Part" -- David & Dorian (2007)

David: Why is Dorian in jail?
John: She's being held in connection with Truman's murder.
David: The thread count in the sheets alone would do her in.


Dorian: (about David) He avenged your father's death, and he saved Blair's life.
John: He didn't stick around for Blair. He made a run for it.
Dorian: He wouldn't do that, not to one of my girls.
David: Frankly, if it's between your girls and my freedom, it's no contest.


Dorian: I would like to have a few moments alone with David, please.
John: Suit yourself. If you need me, I'll be filing Vickers' signed confession.
Dorian: David, you know better than that.
David: Apparently not.


David: (to Dorian) I killed Spencer, and as much as you and I may consider it a public service, I still have to pay my debt to society.


Dorian: When you killed Spencer, you were saving Blair's life, so how can that be a crime?
David: You know, I do seem to recall that the penal code states that any action taken on behalf of a Cramer is legal. Encouraged, even.


David: (to Dorian) I was living at a beach resort, under-tipping the staff in a country with no extradition treaty. So why would I volunteer for KP duty in prison stripes?


David: Do you really think I could stab my own brother?
Dorian: Spencer? Absolutely.
David: Maybe in the back, but not for real. And if I did go in for fratricide, I would choose a much cleaner method, like rat poison.


David: The truth will set me free -- literally.
Dorian: Oh, silly me. I thought freedom was more desirable than a life behind bars with a tattooed roommate who could bench-press a thousand pounds.
David: So I'll ask for my own cell.


Dorian: Asa. He paid you to kill Spencer.
David: Sorry, I don't kill and tell.


Dorian: So you just slunk out of town and no one's the wiser?
David: I don't slunk -- I flew first class, baby.


Dorian: David, why come back? Why not stay in your lovely little, non-extradition hideaway forever?
David: That was the plan till John McBain showed up.
Dorian: But why didn't you tell him you were innocent?
David: Because my New Year's resolution is to think before I peak, which is even harder than it sounds.


[Dorian insists that David has other options besides accepting Asa's money]
David: What's my Column B -- mooching off of you? I've been there, I've done that.
Dorian: Come on. Was it so terrible?
David: No, Dorian, it wasn't. It was some of the best times of my life, but you don't get it. There's something better than that. I want to be rich enough that people want to mooch off of me.


[Dorian informs David that Jessica has liver cancer]
David: I'm very sorry, and I'm so relieved to know there’s nothing I can do to help. Anything else?
Dorian: David, we're looking for a compatible donor for her.
David: Well, I can’t help you. My liver, such as it is, is the only one that I have, and I'm using it -- a lot.
Dorian: If you're a match, we only need a portion of your liver. I'm signing up everybody I can think of.
David: Oh, just a portion of my liver? Oh, why didn’t you say so? Do you have a melon baller? We can take of this right now.


[Dorian wants David to be tested as a liver match for Jessica]
Dorian: A young woman’s life is at stake.
David: A young woman whose mother happens to be your sworn enemy, and whose father.... Why does this still take me so long?? You're still after Clint Buchanan, aren’t you?


David: (to Dorian) You know, the last time someone blackmailed me for the use of one of my organs, it wasn’t my liver.


David: You're not doing this for Jessica, you're doing this to impress Clint.
Dorian: Ha!
David: You must really love that guy, huh?
Dorian: Love? "Love"? Love has nothing to do with it.


Dorian: Now, am I safe in assuming that you will get tested to see if you can help Jessica?
David: Seems I have no choice. I'll talk to the warden at next week’s poker game.
Dorian: Oh, I've already cleared it with the warden -- they're waiting for you in the infirmary.
David: What?
Dorian: Guard?


[David returns after getting the blood work done]
Dorian: Thank you, David. I'm really sorry you fainted.
David: I did not faint -- I rapidly lost consciousness.


[Dorian prepares to leave after visiting David in prison]
David: I suppose I'm not going to see you again until you need something else.
Dorian: I hate seeing you in this awful outfit.
David: It’s a blend.
Dorian: Oh -- I'm afraid to ask "of what?"


David: (about Dorian) She doesn’t think that I killed Spencer, either, even though I did.
Marty: And what made her suspicious?
David: One woman’s suspicions are another woman’s abiding love. It means she’s still attracted to me.


[Dorian drops by to see David]
David: If you've come for more blood, you can forget it. I got so nauseous last time, I missed rehearsal for the prison musical and they docked me a full day’s pay in the laundry room. Do you have any idea how far 60 cents goes in here?


Dorian: You look terrible. Your skin is sallow. You could carry a week’s worth of groceries around in those bags under your eyes.
David: That may be the meanest thing you've ever said to me.


David: Sorry I'm not my usual cover boy self. I haven’t seen a natural light source in months, and it turned out that asking for a massage in here wasn’t such a good idea.
Dorian: Would it help if I replenished your account on my way out?
David: Yes, it would -- cigarettes are like gold in here. Set me up with a carton, I can trade up big-time.
Dorian: Consider it done.


David: So what’s the news in Llanview? Did they find a liver for Jessica?
Dorian: Oh, yes, as a matter of fact, they did. That’s what I came here to tell you.
David: Well, that’s great news. So who’s the poor schlub who has to quit drinking?


David: So Jessica cheated on Antonio, told him it was over, and made off with a slice of his liver for good measure?
Dorian: That about sums it up.
David: Talk about taking a literal pound of flesh. Screams "Buchanan" to me.


David: Antonio did the honorable thing.
Dorian: It takes a big man to make a really big gesture like that, yes.
David: Mm-hmm, and it doesn’t surprise you at all, does it? After all, you raised the guy and his brother and -- (David starts snoring)


David: (to Dorian) Listen, I'm falling apart in here. I've gained almost four pounds and my body fat is approaching double digits.


Dorian: Clint likes me exactly as I am.
David: Treats you real good?
Dorian: We're very happy.
David: Well, at least one of us is.


Dorian: Marty Saybrooke killed Spencer --
David: Shh! Ixnay on the olume-vay.
Dorian: Marty Saybrooke killed Spencer? How on earth did you come up with that?
David: I've been pretty popular lately. The guys on Cellblock D are awfully jealous that I've had not one, but two knockout women visit me.


Dorian: (about Marty) Why was she coming to visit you?
David: Don’t sound so surprised -- she’s been hot for me for a decade.


David: (about Marty) Anyway, she shows up out of the blue, she accuses me of lying about killing Spencer, says she knows for a fact that I didn’t do it, and she backs it up with all this psychoanalytical gobbledygook about my character, none of which was even remotely accurate, by the way.
Dorian: But why would you assume that Marty killed Spencer? I mean, maybe one of her patients confessed to her.
David: Well, then why come talk to me about it? Now, Marty is one of those upstanding types. She’s not going to snitch on one of her circle of loons, even the scissor-happy ones.


[David accuses Dorian of wanting to ruin his chance to get Asa's $10 million]
Dorian: I'm not ruining anything. I am mounting a rescue mission here. I am saving you from yourself, from the aging effects of -- of hard labor and gang warfare, and whatever else it is that goes on behind those bars.
David: And you're liberating me of $10 million while you're at it.
Dorian: A small price to pay for your life.
David: Yeah, spoken like a woman whose house is on the star maps of Llanview. Do you have any idea how much $10 million will buy me in Guatemala? I don’t even know where that is, but I'll live like an emperor.


Dorian: Can you really stand it in here?
David: I'll get out. You'll come with me. $10 million will buy us all the Botox we'll collectively need.
Dorian: It’s so crazy. Throwing away years of your life like this.
David: Hey, it’s better than working for a living.
Dorian: Ok. I've got no other choice, do I? I'll do what you want. I'll keep my mouth shut.
David: Not your best event, I know. So I appreciate it.


David: (to Dorian) I got to get back to work. Got laundry to fold, toilets to clean, and a musical to choreograph.


[David confronts Dorian after he is released from prison]
David: You ruined my life! I had $10 million coming to me, and then you stepped in! Why in the world would you tell John McBain that I didn't kill Spencer?
Dorian: I did it for your own good!
David: Oh! I was going to be rich!
Dorian: If you survived prison!
David: Been there, done that a million times!


[David finds Dorian, Viki and Clint looking gloomy at Llanfair]
David: I'm guessing you three aren’t having a laughing gas party.


[Viki invites David to live at Llanfair because she knows it will annoy Dorian; David approves]
David: It’s about time you gave Dorian what for.
Viki: Really?
David: Yeah. And believe me, I will help you ruin the woman. We can cook up any kind of corporate espionage, maybe frame her for bigamy. Whatever you want, I'm onboard.


[Dorian is outraged to find Viki and David kissing]
David: Dorian, before this gets awkward, you should probably go before we have to charge you admission to the show.
Dorian: Ha! That's exactly what this is -- a show!


[Viki wonders why Dorian is arguing with her about David when she should be with Clint]
Dorian: Oh, well, I can assure you that even as we speak, Clint is in my bedroom waiting for me.
David: Then what are you doing here? You need a refresher course, grasshopper?
Dorian: David, I am here to rescue you from Viki's clutches.
David: Viki's clutches suit me just fine.
Dorian: Oh. The thought makes me nauseous.


David: This isn't a farce. I've been hot for Viki for years. I just had to work my way up to her -- if you know what I mean.
Dorian: How dare you! After everything --
David: Viki is extraordinary. She's funny, she's urbane, erudite --
Dorian: She's arrogant! She's pompous, she's full of herself!


[David wants to sleep with Viki to annoy Dorian]
Viki: So, you want us to sleep together just because of the effect that it will have on Dorian?
David: No, not just for that reason. But it’s a pretty powerful aphrodisiac.


David: (about Dorian) I really cared about her, and I know she cared about me.
Viki: And she still does.
David: Really?
Viki: Of course she does. Why else would she have come charging over here?
David: Her buttons are pretty easy to push, huh? And the Viki button’s always on speed dial.


Viki: (about Dorian) She gets upset at the thought of you with someone else. Especially me.
David: You're right. You think she'd pay me to stay away from you?
Viki: You could always ask.
David: I couldn’t do that. Could I?


[Dorian and Clint walk in on David giving Viki a massage]
Dorian: Oh, my. Isn’t this an intimate little scene?
David: This? No, this is PG-13. What you barged in on last night -- well, that was rated "M" for mature.


Dorian: David, what on earth is that on your ankle?
David: A GPS.
Dorian: I thought that you were released from prison and exonerated of all charges. Why are you wearing a tracking device?
David: Well, Lieutenant McBain wants to keep a short leash on me till he finds Spencer’s real killer. I told him just to leave me in prison, but apparently the taxpayers don’t like that kind of thing. I know -- tan line’s going to be a bitch, right?


[Dorian and Clint confront David and Viki]
Dorian: Clint and I are willing to apply ourselves to this new peace if the two of you are.
David: Sold, for $10 million.
[Viki, Dorian and Clint look at him]
David: What? It’s practically a steal.


Dorian: All of us here have done something to hurt one of the others. I mean, no one here is innocent.
Viki: Well -- ahem -- I suppose I could've been a little more welcoming to you and Clint.
Clint: And I have had my moments, too.
Dorian: And I could be more -- I could be more gracious in the future.
David: I could wear more clothes?


[Dorian is skeptical of David giving Viki a massage]
Dorian: This is the United States of America. You need a license to be a masseur.
David: Well, jealous, if you had played your cards right, you'd be enjoying the magic of my fingers instead of Viki.


[John wants to use David as bait for Spencer's killer]
David: You got nothing on me. There’s nothing you can do to me.
[David gets out his cell phone and starts dialing]
John: Who do you think you're calling?
David: I'm calling 1-800 "Dorian get me out of human shield duty."


[Paige has just informed David, Clint and Viki that David is a liver match for Jessica]
Dorian: So David is a match?
Viki: It’s absolutely -- it’s wonderful!
Dorian: Yes, yes, it is wonderful, considering the odds.
David: Yes, the odds.
Dorian: The odds, I mean, should you be willing to go ahead with the surgery.
David: We should talk briefly about the odds.


[David is worried about the idea of giving part of his liver to Jessica]
David: Surgery?
Paige: Mm-hmm.
David: Scar? Above or below the waistline?
Clint: David, this is not the time for jokes.
Dorian: Clint, I can assure you he isn’t joking.
David: I don’t want people to laugh at me when I wear my Speedo.


Dorian: David, this is extraordinary, really generous and brave of you. Why, you can’t even stand the sight of a needle and here you are volunteering to have major invasive surgery.
David: You had to use the words "invasive" and "major," didn’t you?


David: If I die, this is going to be the last selfless thing I ever do.
Dorian: Don’t you mean the first?
David: I think giving my liver to Jessica makes up for all the times that I only thought of myself.


Dorian: My relationship with Clint is based on honesty.
David: You? An honest relationship?


[Dorian is outraged that David has asked Clint for $10 million as payment for the liver for Jessica]
Dorian: If you take that money, I promise you, I will not let you have a moment’s peace for the rest of your life.
David: I'm David Vickers. Why is everyone so surprised I want money for my liver? With $10 million, I can spend the rest of my life partying in Ibiza.


David: Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing. If you had a magic liver and $10 million was on the line and the father of the girl was Clint --
Dorian: Oh, shut up, David!


David: Bottom line -- I'm saving Jessica’s life. I don’t think you can put a price tag on a human life.
Dorian: Bottom line -- you put a price tag on Jessica’s.
David: Doesn’t count. Money means nothing to a Buchanan.


[Dorian is happy that Viki will soon learn that David has asked for $10 million for his liver]
Dorian: The scales will finally fall from Viki’s eyes and she will see you for the dog you really are!
David: You can’t tell Viki. That’s the deal.
Dorian: "The deal"?
David: If Clint talks, my liver walks.


Dorian: Nurse, I intend to give blood, just in case Mr. Vickers needs it.
David: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. No one said anything about losing blood. I like my blood, I want to keep it.
Dorian: David, it’s standard procedure. You and I have the same blood type, so I think it’s the very least that I can do.
David: Well, if someone else’s blood is going to be coursing through my veins, I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was yours.


[Dorian can't believe David ultimately gave the $10 million back to Clint]
Dorian: You jumped through hoops for that money, you basically accused me of sucking the life blood out of you, and then you turn around and just give it away?
David: It was the right thing to do.
Dorian: Since when has the right thing to do ever been your motivation? Though, truthfully, it made me very unhappy to see Clint suffer that way.
David: "Suffer"? The guy barely felt it leave his bank account.


Dorian: I thought that you would be on your way to -- to Ibiza, charting a course for the perfect whatever adult beverage is that they drink the, and instead, you have just given away $10 million?
David: Please, stop saying that. You're going to make me pop a stitch. I'd like to revel in this strange feeling I'm having.
Dorian: What feeling?
David: It feels unfamiliar -- no, it feels confusing -- no, it feels unfamiliar and confusing. Wait, it’s starting to feel good.
Dorian: Could "nobility" be the word you're searching for?
David: Does nobility feel better than being rich?


Dorian: Oh, David. You know, as much as I'm absolutely amazed at this change in you, I'm -- I'm also very, very proud. Really, that you're finally interested in someone other than yourself.
David: Maybe I'm all grows up.
Dorian: And what are you going to do, now that you're "all grows up"?
David: Well, lay here and mend for a while.


[Dorian and David's goodbye before David leaves town]
Dorian: I'll miss you, David.
David: Oh, I'll come back to visit you.
Dorian: Okay. You know, of course, by then, I could be Mrs. Clint Buchanan
David: Doesn’t matter. We'll always have Paris.


[Dorian shows Viki a postcard she got from David]
Dorian: I got this from David. It reads, "Dear Dorian, Martinique equals beautiful. Hard to make a living -- got a job at a resort. Am making a go of it. It doesn’t help that they don’t seem to understand my French. C'est la vie. Love and kisses, David."


Viki: You know as well as I do David always lands on his feet.
Dorian: And on his back, more than a few times.
Viki: Yeah, well, you'd know a lot more about that than I would.


Dorian: (to Viki) I know David 10,000 times better than you do. He’s not going to make it as a cabana boy -- hosing down beach chairs, sticking little umbrellas in other people’s drinks. He -- he has a far more existential disposition.


[David and Alex are about to get married]
Justice of the Peace: Is there anyone here today that knows of any reason that these two should not be joined in wedlock?
Alex: (thinking) Asa.
David: (thinking) Dorian.
Alex: (thinking) Nigel.
David: (thinking) Dorian.
Alex: (thinking) Carlo.
David: (thinking) Dorian.
Justice of the Peace: Well, then, I give you Mr. and Mrs. David Vickers.


[Dorian runs into David and Alex at the airport]
Dorian: David. What are you doing here? And what are you doing with her?
David: Dorian. What a surprise.
Alex: A really bad one.
Dorian: I asked what you're doing here. And why is that -- (indicating Alex) -- on your arm?
Alex: Was she always this bitter?


David: Viki taught me the value of working for a living.
Dorian: Oh, please.
David: Dorian, life is short. I wanted to find out what I was really capable of and -- and put my potential to work, so I became a cabana boy at a rehab clinic.


Dorian: (to Alex and David) The two of you, married? That's rich.
David: We hope so.


Dorian: David, you married this creature?
Alex: What did you ever see in her anyway?
David: Alex -- just for one moment, uh -- you are my beautiful bride. I love you and I worship you. Now, will you go sit over there by yourself while I speak privately with my ex-wife? She tends to hyperventilate when she's confronted with reality.
Alex: Get her a bag!
Dorian: Reality? You're with Alex Olanov!


[David tells Dorian that he married Alex because they signed a pre-nup giving him 50% of her wealth]
Dorian: Divorce her, as soon as you can. Otherwise, you are going to be stuck with 50% of her bills.
David: Oh, come on. She -- could she do that, stick me with half of her bills?
Dorian: Oh. David, this is the stupidest thing you've ever done!
David: No, it's not. I've done a lot stupider things. Remember -- never mind.


[Dorian hopes that David only married Alex for the money]
David: No one can replace you in my heart.
Dorian: I hope for your sake the stupid slut has millions.


Dorian: David explained everything to me.
Alex: So you see, congratulations are in order.
Dorian: One always wishes the bride best wishes, but I think David can do better, and he will next time.
Alex: There isn't going to be a next time, Dorian, so you can lock up your hope chest. He's mine as long as I want him. Isn't that true, pussycat?
David: Meow.
Dorian: Oh, the things one does for love --
Alex: And of course, you couldn't hang on to him, no matter how hard you tried. Could she, tiger?
David: Let's leave the cat metaphor in the litter box where it belongs.


Dorian: (about Asa) That devil always got exactly what he wanted.
Alex: Oh, you can't tell me anything about him. He's my ex-husband.
Dorian: Yes. David, won't it be nice when you're part of his company?


[David, Dorian and Alex find a cold reception at the Buchanan ranch]
David: Buchanan hospitality sure has taken a dive since Asa bought the farm.
Dorian: "Buchanan hospitality"? Isn't that an oxymoron?


[Nigel asks how David and Alex came to be married]
Alex: Ever since our "I dos," it's been one blissful moment after another, hasn't it, lover?
David: Elysian, baby.
Alex: Ooh.
Dorian: I've heard this story ad nauseam. Truly, I could puke.


[Dorian has just caught Clint and Nora kissing]
David: What happened -- a bear, a coyote?
Dorian: That bitch.
David: One of the dogs?
Dorian: She's been after him all along.
David: Who?
Dorian: Clint!
David: Did she bite him?
Dorian: Bite him?
David: The dog?
Dorian: I don't know if there was any biting involved, but there was a lot of kissing.
David: Well, I guess there's nothing wrong if she gave him a little lick.
Dorian: Huh -- how about full tongue?
David: He put his tongue in her mouth?
Dorian: I'm telling you, it was a major lip lock!
David: Are we talking about the same thing?
Dorian: All those late-night talks, the moonlit horseback ride. It was all leading up to one thing -- that kiss -- and she had it all planned.
David: And you were worried about Nora.
Dorian: I'm talking about Nora.
David: But I thought you -- oh.


[Dorian is still enraged after seeing Clint kiss Nora]
David: Look on the bright side.
Dorian: What's the bright side?
David: It could've been Viki.


[David tries to get Dorian to calm down after seeing Clint and Nora kiss]
David: Just come in here and relax. There are a lot of guns on display in this house, and a few too many trophy heads. I don't want Nora's head to end up on a wall -- or Clint's -- well, Clint's I'm okay with, actually.


Dorian: (about Clint and Nora) How long have they been carrying on behind my back?
David: Too long, as far as I'm concerned! (he goes to leave the room)
Dorian: Where are you going?
David: To kick Clint Buchanan’s butt -- or hire someone who can.


[Dorian wakes up in bed with David]
Dorian: Oh -- oh. What have I done?
David: The usual.


Dorian: Oh, please. Tell me this is a nightmare! (she pinches David)
David: Ow! You're supposed to pinch yourself.


[Clint finds Dorian and David in bed together]
Dorian: Oh --
Clint: My --
David: God.


Clint: (to Dorian) You slept with David in my father's house?
David: (to Clint) Nice bed, by the way. Is this one of those memory-foam things?
Dorian: Shut up, David!


[Dorian tells Clint that she slept with David because she saw Clint and Nora kissing]
Clint: Yeah, I kissed her. But I didn't jump into bed with her like this. And if you were there watching us kiss, why didn't you come forward and say something?
Dorian: Because I was so shocked and hurt.
David: Um -- anybody mind if I put on some shorts? My wife could walk in at any moment.


Dorian: (to Clint) I only went to bed with him because I saw you kissing Nora.
David: That wasn't the only reason, was it?
Dorian: Would you shut up?


Clint: So you went to David -- for comfort, and/or revenge, and let's -- let's not even get into the fact that the man was just married.
Dorian: Well, I -- I wasn't thinking straight.
Clint: Yeah, because you can't resist that guy.


Clint: Why are you still here?
David: My wife left me. I have no way to get back to Llanview.
Clint: Well, then you're still going to be staying somewhere in Texas, but it sure as hell won't be here.
David: Not to worry -- I never stay where I'm not wanted -- for long.
Clint: Tell you what -- Dorian's on her way out of town. Why don't you try and catch her? Who knows -- maybe you'll get lucky again.
David: Great idea.


David: You see, Natalie, my wife, Alex, and I have been married for over a week, so we're taking a little bit of a break. And your dad unceremoniously dumped Dorian after he realized that she was a woman of very little willpower, to put it delicately.


[Thanks to her ankle injury, Dorian is now sporting a cane]
David: Hey, look at you with the cane. Doing a one-woman show? I'll get you a top hat, some tap shoes -- you'll be packing them in at Llanview Rep.


David: Can't believe Marty's gone. Guess that means her son's all alone, huh?
Dorian: There are two orphans living under this roof.
David: Two?
Dorian: Langston. Starr's B.F.F. Oh -- I'm going to be her foster mother.
David: Sheesh. If you start climbing every mountain, I'm out of here.


[David managed to steal a recipe for one of Dorian's favorite dishes at the Bon Jour]
Dorian: How did you get it?
David: I snatched it from the chef's cookbook when I was doing dishes.
Dorian: Pardon?
David: For the record, I'm no longer a stranger to hard labor.


Dorian: What was I thinking? I never could've made it work with Clint. I need someone who is passionate, impetuous, unpredictable.
David: You're forgetting incredibly attractive and highly motivated.
Dorian: That wouldn't hurt. I need someone like you. Or just you.


Dorian: There is only one David Vickers.
David: Actually, there are six David Vickers in the United States, and four across the pond with bank accounts exceeding $3 million -- not that I would ever take advantage of a mistaken identity.


Dorian: I couldn't help thinking about all the good times we had together, and we did have some good times, didn't we? David: Let's see -- the kitchen counter comes to mind.


Dorian: We should throw a big party.
David: What's the occasion? Is it my birthday? No. Let's say it's my birthday.


[Dorian wants to plan a party to celebrate that she has broken up with Clint and David has broken up with Alex]
Dorian: Everyone will find out that Dorian and David are back. And even our detractors will find out they cannot keep us down.
David: Sort of an "up yours" party, right?
Dorian: Crude, but that's exactly what I had in mind.
David: Yeah, there's a few people I'd like to invite to that kind of party.
Dorian: Hmm -- if only Viki weren't out of town.


[David thinks Dorian wants to settle for him now that she can't have Clint]
Dorian: "Settle for you"? Oh, my dear, darling David, what has happened to your self-esteem?
David: I don't have a problem with my self-esteem. If I were a woman, I'd be on the prowl for me.


David: Maybe we're better off as friends.
Dorian: With benefits?
David: The benefits are the best part.


[Blair walks in on Dorian and David together]
Blair: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh -- what is going on?
David: (to Dorian) That's another reason this would never work out. A little too crowded for naked tai chi.


Dorian: Well, you missed a lot of excitement.
David: Why, what's going on out there?
Dorian: Just the norm around here. The FBI is searching the house.
David: FBI? As in "David should be leaving" FBI?
Dorian: Sweetheart, they aren't looking for you.
David: Are you sure? Wait, come to think of it, any reason they'd have is past the statute of limitations.


David: Well, in that case, just to be on the safe side, maybe I'll take off before they come in here, huh?
Dorian: Take off as in permanently?
David: Oh, come on. I've never understood the meaning of that word.
Dorian: So it's goodbye?
David: Again.


David: Maybe you'll work things out with Clint.
Dorian: Oh -- I wouldn't take him back if he came crawling to me on his hands and knees.
David: Oh, Dorian -- do you happen to remember that he walked in on us when we were in bed together?
Dorian: But why won't he own up to the fact that he drove me to it?
David: Okay. But you never took me back when I came crawling on my hands and knees, and I'm much more charming than any Buchanan.


David: This means that a toast is in order.
Dorian: Yes. And I've got one. To our next encounter.
David: Sooner rather than later.


[David is leaving town again]
Dorian: Where are you going this time?
David: A man needs to maintain a little mystery.
Dorian: You have no idea, do you?
David: I got some options.
Dorian: Winners, I bet.
David: You always know the right thing to say, Dorian.