"Dance With Me" -- David & Dorian (2006)
[Clint and Dorian have arrived at the Palace where Viki -- actually her alternate personality, Niki -- has been trying to dirty dance with David]
Clint: Would all of you fgive me a moment so I can talk to Viki?
Dorian: Watch me make a tasteful exit.
David: Watch me follow you.
David: So are you and Flint connected at the elbow these days, huh?
Dorian: Hmm. And what are you doing here with Viki on New Year's Eve?
David: Nothing. I was having a drink by myself. She sidled up next to me. I have animal magnetism, you know.
[David explains why he doesn't see anything wrong with "Viki's" behavior; Dorian, on the other hand, knows that Viki is really Niki]
David: Now, I'm no doctor, but spending New Year's Eve with nothing to keep you company but your dead husband's heart -- that's a little grim. So she had a few. She got out of herself for a while.
Dorian: (ironically) I'll say.
David: You missed the best part, though. You want to see some of Viki's new moves? Watch this.
[David starts showing off a dance move]
Dorian: Stop it.
Dorian: Well, that isn't Viki.
David: What are you talking about?
[Suddenly, David realizes what's going on]
David: Oh. Oh. Oh.
Dorian: Happy New Year.
David: We could have been great.
Dorian: So how about you tell me what was going on out there? Is Blair all right?
David: Well. Hello. Am I no longer dead?
Dorian: David, Blair is in a very vulnerable state, and if your snake of a brother has done something to upset her --
David: Dorian, you can relax. Blair didn't go out there to seek his comfort, she went out there to punch him.
Dorian: I know. I saw. It was a true Cramer woman moment. Maybe now she's finally ready to listen to reason.
David: Wait. Hold it. Don't go barging out there in your usual fashion, okay? It might backfire. It might send her right back into Spencer's arms.
Dorian: You're right. You're still dead, but you're right.
David: (to Paige) Better go call Blair, tell her where the kids are. Dorian turned off my cell phone.
Adriana: Okay, the difference between us and them is they know what they're doing. We're clueless, okay? We need help and we need it fast.
David: You rang?
[David is trying to explain to Adriana and Dorian how to run Craze]
Dorian: Well, thank you so much, David. Whatever would we do without you?
David: Dorian, you are welcome.
Dorian: Hmm. You're not welcome. You're an ex-employee here, among your other exes, all right? You're not even supposed to be in the building.
David: I just came by to pick up my severance check before you run the magazine into the ground.
David: Dorian, I'm the one who did this layout, months ago, and it wasn't even very good at the time. You know what you ought to do -- you want to take a look at her. (gestures toward Adriana) She's got a head for this kind of business. You also might want to consider being a little bit more like her.
Dorian: Oh, really? And may I ask what you mean by that?
David: You might want to give up playing lady executive and try being lady executive.
Dorian: So who was that? Your unemployment advisor or your parole officer?
David: That's ridiculous. Doesn't even make sense. There's no such thing as an unemployment advisor.
Dorian: How would I know?
David: (to Dorian) Hey, sexy. You're not trying to dodge me, are you?
Clint: Excuse me. I'm going to sit with the adults.
David: I think he was talking about you.
Dorian: It is very, very childish to eavesdrop.
David: Well, I wouldn't have to eavesdrop if you would stop pushing me away.
Dorian: Je suis desole. Is it painful, really painful, seeing me with another man?
David: Yes, it is. I don't like to see Clint or any other man wrapped around your finger. That should still be my job.
David: Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but I know the back way out of here. If you want to avoid the reporters, I can show you the way.
Viki: David, that's very kind and I appreciate it. Thank you very much.
Dorian: Excuse me, Bo, but which one of Viki's many scintillating personalities do you think is coming on to David?
David: Think I owe you an apology.
Dorian: Too little too late.
David: It's not about leaving you at the altar. I know you're never going to forgive me for that.
David: A while back, I took Todd's side. I tried to see things from his perspective. Well, he destroyed Blair's life. Now Starr's missing and two people are dead. As usual, you were right.
Dorian: Being right never felt so horrible.
Dorian: Coffee, please.
Waitress: Sure. How do you take it?
David: Cream for me, not milk, and one sugar. Not the blue, pink, or yellow stuff. 100% pure cane sugar. And the lady takes it black. (to Dorian) I didn't forget everything when I moved out of our house.
Dorian: My house.
David: I didn't forget that, either.
David: Stalking me?
Dorian: Ha, don't flatter yourself. I just had a meeting with a writer I've commissioned to do an article for "Craze" magazine -- "Brilliant Women and Disastrous Men."
David: Huh. Well, I guess it's too late for you.
David: You need my help. You virtually asked me for my help the other day. You told me, in so many words, that you have no idea how to put out an issue of "Craze." And then when you were so upset that Starr was missing, you and I actually started to work together. It felt like old times, for a couple of minutes.
Dorian: If you're so desperate for a job, I suggest you look into the want ads, okay? Though, I doubt they have many ads for petty thieves or has-been con artists.
David: Flattery will get you nowhere.
David: You know, when you and I were trying to find Starr, I -- I actually did miss you. But there's this other side of you, Dorian -- this bitter, angry woman who wouldn't take me back and who delights in seeing a good woman suffer.
Dorian: A good woman? So a bowl of popcorn and a rented movie makes you the president of the Viki Davidson fan club?
David: You could've had someone to share your life with, someone who brought out the best in you. And now, instead of all that, you get all this. Drink up.
Spencer: You still want Dorian.
David: She's the love of my life, Spencer.
[Bo has found Clint and Dorian in a hotel room together]
Dorian: (to Bo) Can we please close the door before what began as a somewhat awkward moment turns into something really humiliating?
[Suddenly David comes charging in]
David: What the --??
Dorian: Too late.
David: (to Dorian) What is this? You having a fling with Clint? Are you aware that he's a Buchanan?
David: You picked a pretty expensive and classy hotel to have a cheap and tacky throw down with Clint Buchanan. Are you going to tell me which one of you wore the spurs?
Dorian: As if I would say anything to you about it.
David: So what are you doing here in the bar, huh? Going to throw back a few cocktails? Reminisce about the good old days with me?
Dorian: Oh -- please, don't flatter yourself.
David: It's not flattery if it's true. It's just a promotional tool.
Dorian: You know, I think I'll leave you alone with your favorite person.
David: Dorian, wait. You and that rodeo clown -- tell me it's better with him than it was with me.
Dorian: I thought you didn't want to hear anything about my night with Clint.
David: Oh, this is just business research. I'd like to know what kind of low standards I'll be held to since I'm re-entering the market.
Dorian: Oh. I have a very strict policy. I never kiss and tell.
David: Oh, come on, Dorian. Clint Buchanan? You think you could do a little bit better than that?
[Dorian defends her relationship with Clint]
Dorian: (about Clint) We're economic peers.
David: Is that the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Clint Buchanan? What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of me?
Dorian: The point is, money is not an issue between me and Clint. I do not need to underwrite his lifestyle. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, he is my equal in every way.
David: You just like his pedigree.
Dorian: Which is a lot better than yours, having been born into a litter of two-bit con artists.
David: Well, at least I'm not from Texas. You know, I don't blame you for having a cheap, sleazy one-night stand. I've had a couple today myself. But with a Buchanan? You have totally desecrated any memory that we had between us.
[Dorian has just thrown her drink on David]
David: This jacket cost $15 to dry-clean, the sweater, 9. You'll be receiving a bill for -- $28.
Dorian: David, it didn't have to be this way. I was ready to turn myself over to you, body and soul, and fortune. For better or worse, for richer, for poorer. You were the one who put a stop to our wedding.
David: I explained to you why I had to do that. If we had gotten married, instead of sharing a life with you at La Boulaie, I would be sharing a cell at Statesville with Todd Manning.
Dorian: Unfortunately, breaking hearts is not a capital offense.
David: I didn't want to go to prison! It didn't change the way that I felt about you, Dorian. I wanted you more than anything, but you couldn't forgive the fact that I put my freedom in front of some archaic ceremony. We are in this position right now because of your ridiculous pride.
Dorian: You left me standing at the altar. You humiliated me in front of this entire town. And you -- you are making stupid, petty excuses. This isn't high school!
David: Are you kidding me? The year I spent in high school was much worse than this.
Dorian: I am no different than anybody else. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel loved. I need to feel like a woman. David: I never meant to make you feel any other way.
Dorian: You had a very funny way of showing it.
David: You're the most amazing woman I've ever met.
Clint: I don't want to know anything from you, Vickers. I just want you to stay out of my personal business, and in the future, mind your manners when you're with women.
David: We weren't talking about women. We were talking about Dorian Lord.
[David trashes Valentine's Day to Roxy as they watch Michael about to propose to Marcie]
David: Oh. Sure, it's romantic -- today. But what happens when he looks back on this and he remembers that she threw him out on his ear? That she give away his cashmere sweater to someone else instead of him on Christmas Day? And then she makes this big production out of blowing into some multi-millionaire's ear just to make him jealous? Well, you know what he's going to do? He's going to look back on this day and he's going to wish that he could do it all over again. And on Valentine's Day. And every subsequent valentine's day, it's all going to come rushing back to him, all the pain, the agony, and the torture, in direct proportion to the number of doilies and pink hearts and chocolate-covered crickets -- whatever people hand out to each other today. And he's going to remember one thing -- "I was given a heart. Now, why does that guarantee that it's going to be broken?"
David: I'm over Dorian, you know.
Roxy: Oh, yeah, sure. And I'm Elizabeth Taylor.
[David wants to stop Michael from proposing to Marcie]
David: I can't let him do this.
Roxy: Hmm! Stop that. They're ga-ga over each other. They have been ever since they knew it.
David: Yeah, well, Dorian and I were ga-ga over each other, too -- all the way to the altar.
Dorian: Hello, David.
David: Hello, Dr. Lord.
[Dorian is furious that David has shown up at a function for Adriana]
Dorian: You're trying to get back at me.
David: Get back at you? I've been doing everything I can to get back with you.
[David points out that Dorian is trying to ruin Adriana's relationship with Rex]
David: (to Dorian) You know what? Finally, a member of your endlessly tortured family has found happiness and you want to ruin that, don't you? Why is that? Why do you want everyone that you know to be as miserable as we are?
David: If you've come to give me a tongue lashing, Dorian, I think I'll pass.
Dorian: You should be so lucky.
David: I'm not in the mood to fight.
Dorian: Good, neither am I.
David: But don't be nice to me, either. I -- I don't deserve it.
Dorian: Oh, well, I certainly know better than that, but it's good to hear you wallowing in it.
David: My life started going down the tubes the moment Spencer entered this town.
David: My brother is a cancer.
Dorian: I would have taken him for a Leo.
Dorian: When Todd asked me to keep Blair away from Spencer, I agreed.
David: You should not lie to a guy on death row.
David: I think you've proven you're pretty tough, but Spencer may be a little bit too much for you.
Dorian: You caved in to him. I don't find him that intimidating.
David: Good luck.
Dorian: Thank you.
David: I miss you, you know.
Dorian: Oh, sure, I've been hearing how much you miss me. Right up until the point when you picked up the D.A.'s secretary.
David: Who are you -- Joyce?
Dorian: Oh, you know her name!
David: Why do you even care? You moved on with cowboy Clint.
Dorian: Speaking of -- I'd better call him.
David: (watching Dorian work her cell phone) He's all the way up to speed dial two?
[David notices that Dorian is upset after talking with Clint]
David: Everything not so "OK" at the corral?
Dorian: There is a serious problem with Asa, and I'm going to go be with Clint.
David: Oh, really? And I guess it doesn't hurt that Viki's preoccupied, does it?
[David and Dorian arrive at the hospital and Dorian immediately goes to Clint's side]
Dorian: Oh. Hi, Clint.
David: (to Dorian) Yeah, thanks for nothing. The cab cost me four bucks.
David: You are absolutely unbelievable.
Dorian: Really? And what are you doing here?
David: Using a family tragedy like this to move in on Clint just to make me jealous. I admit, Asa being down for the count is a borderline tragedy at best, but still....
Clint: I realize there's nothing I can do for Asa right now, so I think I'm going to stop by the house and look in on Jessie.
Dorian: Good idea. Let's walk to the elevator together, shall we?
David: (in disgust) God.
David: (to Dorian) I love you. I always have. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I screwed that up. I blamed Spencer, I blamed you, but no one is to blame but me. I take responsibility for not being able to say "I do." That's going to haunt me for the rest of my life -- what's left of it. In case anything happens to me, I wanted to put that on the table. Goodbye.
Dorian: After-hours calls from the D.A.'s secretary getting maddening, huh? That ditzy little blond who just loves pink martinis.
David: You mean Joyce? Don't you know what "one-night stand" means?
[Dorian accuses David of having ulterior motives for professing his love to her]
David: You can be so thick.
Dorian: How dare you!
David: Dorian, you don't need a reason to --
Dorian: A reason to what?
David: To want to see your friend. I miss my friend. And you're right -- it is pathetic. It is pathetic to think that you and I, after all this time, could actually act like two adults at the same time, especially you. You can be so selfish and self-centered and elitist.
Dorian: You stop! Don't dare talk to me that way!
David: I am not leaving here until you let me finish. Not only do I love you, I like you. And you and I, after all these years, we've had plenty of lovers. We've had lovers coming out of our ears. But the one thing we've been in short supply of is friends. And right now, I could really use a friend.
Dorian: You want me to be your friend?
Dorian: People in hell want water.
David: You miss me. You're just too proud to admit it.
Dorian: How could I possibly miss somebody who betrayed me, who humiliated me?
David: That is the unforgivable sin, isn't it? That I humiliated you. Well, you're right. I did. I got in trouble, and I made the wrong choice. I am taking responsibility for that choice. You have every reason not to like me. But you know what? I'm in trouble again. And when I get in trouble, I look for you.
[Dorian runs into David at the airport as he is on his way to Thailand to find out where Spencer has stashed Todd and Margaret's baby]
Dorian: Aren't you wondering what I'm doing here?
David: Not really, but why don't you tell me what you're doing here?
Dorian: Business trip, for "Craze."
David: Oh. Good for you.
Dorian: Just a one-day thing -- you know, in, out. Hectic -- I've hardly had a chance to catch my breath.
David: Huh. Toronto?
Dorian: How did you know?
David: Well, this is the international terminal and the Canadians always give you the fits. That's probably why you look so frazzled.
Dorian: They do not and -- do I look frazzled?
David: Harried. That's life in the fast lane, I guess.
Dorian: Oh. I'm a working woman. I don't have time for the fast lane.
David: Well, that's too bad. I know how much you like it.
Dorian: Flying off to the other side of the globe?
David: Yep, that's true. One night in Bangkok -- that's not me. I'm going to be there a little bit longer.
Dorian: Right -- on a business trip.
Dorian: David, the last time I heard, you were out of work -- yeah -- so what is really going on?
David: Some business is personal. You of all people should know that, Dorian.
David: Well, my brother went to Thailand in February and nobody seems to know why.
Dorian: Did you ask him?
David: Spencer isn't really forthcoming with direct answers, especially about this kind of thing.
Dorian: Oh, so this trip is a secret?
David: Not anymore.
Dorian: Oh, please! You are the one who told me, and we both know it's not your habit to trust me with the truth usually.
David: But I know you, don't I? And if I can prove what I know to be the truth, it won't make you unhappy.
Dorian: You told me this much. Well, you might as well tell me the rest.
David: You're just going to have to trust me, or die of curiosity in the meantime.
[David is reluctant to tell Dorian that he's going to Thailand to search for Todd and Margaret's infant son]
David: All right. I think I'm going to have to give you a little bit more just because I don't want to see that pretty head of yours explode.
David: If I find the person that I'm looking for, he'll be photographed more often than Maddox Jolie-Pitt.
P.A. Announcer: This is the last call for flight 564 to Paris, Charles de Gaulle, boarding at gate 34.
David: (dreamily) Paris.
Dorian: (dreamily) Paris.
David: You want to go?
Dorian: Who wouldn't want to go to paris? Paris -- ville de lumiere, ville de mon ame. J'adore paris.
David: J'adore when you talk like that.
David: We used to get on the plane, fall asleep in Llanview. Wake up in New York, switch planes, fall asleep again, and then wake up in Paris.
Dorian: Hmm. Order croissant and coffee, which we would have on our terrasse.
David: Have lunch on those weird little boats.
Dorian: Bateau mouche, David.
David: And then back to the Ritz for -- a rest.
Dorian: Do you remember the way the wind would blow through the windows, and we could watch the moon move across the sky?
David: It was the earth that moved, not the moon. What are we doing?
David: I mean, what are we doing apart?
David: We were good together. And when we're not at each other's throats, like right now, we remember that. And I would chuck it all to be with you again.
Dorian: We can't be together, David. Never again.
David: I lost everything.
Dorian: Yes. You certainly did. Most of all, you lost me.
[David tries to call Paige on his cell phone]
David: This isn't Paige.
Dorian: David, I thought you were in Thailand.
David: Dorian. Hi, I'm -- I must've pushed the wrong speed dial.
Dorian: Oh. A Freudian slip of the finger.
[David is in jail for the murder of John and Michael McBain's father, Thomas McBain]
David: Unless that's my lawyer with four aspirin, I don't want to speak to anybody.
Dorian: Oh, I think you'll want to see me.
David: Please tell me you're here to bust me out of this hellhole.
Dorian: Well, David? Did you shoot John and Michael McBain's father? Is this the murder that Spencer's been holding over you for years?
David: Testing, testing.
Dorian: What are you doing?
David: I'm just checking to see if you're wired. Do you copy, Bo?
Dorian: I am only here in my own behalf.
David: You mind if I give you a little pat-down, then?
Dorian: David, the only thing I want from you is the truth -- all of it, and I don't intend to share anything you tell me with Bo or anyone else.
David: Mm-hmm. What happens in lockdown stays in lockdown?
Dorian: Oh. This is so laughable -- you not trusting me.
David: Sorry, gorgeous. Your timing just seems -- I don't know -- a little shaky.
David: Suddenly, you want me to spill my guts?
Dorian: Let me think -- maybe, just maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're behind bars.
David: Yeah, trapped like a rat. But when I was free, when I came to you and basically begged you to listen to me for the sake of our relationship, you didn't want to hear any of the gory details then, but now you're all ears.
Dorian: Maybe if you had come to me before you stood me up at the altar.
David: We don't get to pick our moments, Dorian.
Dorian: After everything that's happened today, a part of me wonders if maybe I should've stood you. Hmm.
David: Dorian Lord wrong? Wow. Well, I guess on a day when a guy can come back from the dead, anything's possible.
David: I'll tell you the truth -- you deserve that and so much more.
Dorian: Ready when you are.
David: You may find this hard to believe, but I was a stupid kid.
David: But I wanted to be just like my old man, even though he was a petty, two-bit con artist. Spencer was his bagman.
Dorian: What is that?
David: A kind of collector. I wanted to show my dad that I could do anything Spencer could, so I offered to go on one Spencer's runs. It was a simple job -- I just had to go in and pick up a gambling debt. Go in, take the money, get out. I asked Spencer for a gun. I wanted to show that I could be a player. Everything after I picked up that gun just felt wrong. But I was 16, I was playing chicken with the world. You don't think about those things then. Anyway, I went in, and it turned out that there was a drug deal going on. A cop busted in. I got scared, I hightailed it out of there. The cop followed me. I heard him over my shoulder, he was shouting for me to freeze. I panicked. I shot. The cop went down. I went to the hospital. I prayed that he would live, but he didn't. He died, I killed him. Spencer covered for me. Spencer got me out of the country, and I didn't even know who this man was till a few weeks ago.
Dorian: This is what Spencer's been holding over you all these years?
David: He's used it to make me do a whole lot of things that I regret, none more so than losing the one piece of true happiness I ever had.
Dorian: I've been suspicious of Spencer for a long time. And I never doubted for a moment that he was behind your jilting me the day that I always faulted you -- for not trusting me, for not believing that I was worth a fight.
David: You were right. But do you understand now why I did what I did?
Dorian: Yes, maybe. I don't know. It doesn't mean you were right, and it certainly does not change anything.
David: I'm not trying to get you back. I understand that that's over, but I need help. You're the only person who will help me. So will you?
Dorian: A lot of people need my help right now. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to save my aid and comfort for my family. You are not my family. You could've been, but you chose to take a different path. I will get you a lawyer.
David: Thank you.
[Dorian comes back to visit David in jail]
David: You have to help me bust out of here.
Dorian: You want me to what?
David: Shh. Keep it down. I don't want our friend over there hearing us talk about getting me out of here.
Dorian: David, we are not talking about that. You are the one who is talking about it.
Dorian: I agreed to help you find a lawyer and I cannot think of a single reason why I should help you any further.
David: I can think of a million reasons, each one of them with George Washington's face on it.
Dorian: What are you saying?
David: I'll give you a million dollars if you help me escape.
Dorian: You're offering me a million dollars to --
David: That's right.
Dorian: David. You haven't worked a day since I kicked you out of my house. How do you expect me to believe that you're suddenly worth seven figures?
David: Todd offered me a million dollars if I could find evidence to clear his name and I found her.
Dorian: I hope you got that in writing.
David: Oh, don't worry. He'll pay up. $2 million is a bargain.
Dorian: Oh. 2 million -- hmm. Just a moment ago, you said he offered you 1 million.
David: Fine. $2 million -- which, by the way, I'll be happy to spend the rest of our lives sharing with you because if I don't get out of here, I'm as good as dead.
David: I'm not asking you back. But you loved me once. You're the only person on the planet that I think I could say that about. Do you really want to see me dead?
Dorian: Even if I agree to help you, how can I possibly break you out of jail?
David: So you're willing to give it a shot?
Dorian: I'm quite comfortable cash-wise these days, but there are a few things I could do with a couple of extra million dollars.
David: That's great, so here's the plan. You distract the guard. se your feminine wiles -- oh, wait! You're a doctor. Do you have any drugs? Knock him out with a pill, then get the key!
Dorian: Shut up, okay? There's no way I'm going to help you break out of jail.
Dorian: That's it, David. There's nothing else I can do to help you. You're just going to have to -- to -- to face this and -- and stop running away!
David: Running away is what I do best!
Dorian: Oh, yeah. Tell me something I don't know.
Dorian: You used to be the kind of man who was your own man, the kind of man I thought I could love for the rest of my life. Is there nothing left of that man?
David: I don't know. But if I don't get out of here, there never will be.
[Dorian urges David not to be afraid of Spencer]
Dorian: You better stand up to him this time. This is your chance to pay him back for all those years of manipulating you, and while you're at it, how about some payback for me? How about you help me protect Blair and her children?
David: And if I do?
Dorian: Well, there could be a bonus in it for you.
David: There is?
Dorian: You help protect my family --
David: And I get you back?
Dorian: And maybe your soul will be saved.
[Adriana comes to visit David in jail]
David: Your mother was here.
Adriana: Yeah, I know. She's pretty upset.
David: "Breaking dishes" upset or just "buying new shoes" upset?
David: (to Adriana) Seeing Dorian here the other day was like seeing an angel. She's not a saint, mind you, but of all the people I didn't expect to see --
[David comes to visit Dorian at the "Craze" magazine office]
Dorian: David, what are you doing here?
David: I came to say goodbye -- for good, this time.
Dorian: So what is this about goodbye? Where are you going?
David: California. Schenectady? Maybe Paris.
Dorian: You're running away, again?
David: Leopards and spots, we don't change. There's nothing for me here anymore.
Dorian: I understand there are dire consequences for running out on bail.
David: Yeah. Yeah. There's a bright side. Spencer's out a million bucks.
Dorian: Ooh. Hmm-hmm-hmm. Good. Good thinking. But you can't keep running away forever.
David: Maybe not. But you don't have any say in it. Not anymore.
David: They want me to change my plea to guilty. They're waiting at the courthouse as we speak.
Dorian: And you're not going to show up, are you?
David: I know you told me to stop running. Paige told me the same thing, but I'm just not man enough to do it. You'd think that would be a -- a harsh realization, but I'm just not that deep.
David: (to Dorian) I learned a lot from you. With you. I learned -- I learned what it was like to be loved by someone that I didn't even deserve to be in the same room with. What it was like to be part of a family. What it was like to be home.
David: Guys like me -- we don't get second chances.
Dorian: I don't think you give yourself enough credit.
David: Well, maybe you gave me too much credit. Maybe that was our problem.
David: We gave this town a run for its money.
Dorian: I cared for you, very much, once.
David: I cared for you very much. I still do.
Dorian: Goodbye, David.
[Dorian extends her hand for David to shake, but instead he takes her in his arms and kisses her]
David: You are an exceptionally fine woman. You need to find a guy who realizes that. You deserve to be worshipped. When you find him -- and you will -- I hope he realizes it.
[David turns to leave]
Dorian: David? You are more of a man than you think you are.
[Dorian comes to visit David in jail]
David: Look, Dorian, we already had our goodbye. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
Dorian: No, David, we're not going to leave it at that. Look at me. David? I am not going to turn my back on you.
David: What's Clint Buchanan going to have to say about that?
Dorian: Clint will understand that I need to help and support you the same way that he needs to help and support Viki.
David: Clint is a remarkably sane and mature person, isn't he?
Dorian: Yes, he is.
David: How annoying.
David: You and Clint Buchanan -- weird as hell.
David: But I'm happy for you.
Dorian: Thank you, David.
David: No, I'm not really happy for you -- I'm jealous. But you always deserved better than what I could give you, so I wish you two the best -- well, not so much him, but I wish you the best.
Dorian: Watch out. You're starting to sound remarkably sane and -- sane and mature yourself.
David: Thank you.
David: But this wisdom's coming a little too late, don't you think?
Dorian: David, maybe it isn't over for you. Maybe the judge will be lenient.
David: Oh, because I've been such a model citizen all these years? I don't think so.
Dorian: I'll remain positive in your behalf. And for what it's worth, I'm -- I'm grateful that our last goodbye was not our last goodbye. Hmm. The only good that could've come out of your going away would've been --
David: Was that Spencer would be out a million dollars in bail money?
Dorian: Right. You behave yourself, okay? And just remember -- you've got a friend out there.
David: (to John) I changed my name. I pretended to be a member of somebody else's family. I ran from the lies, I ran from the law! And I abandoned Dorian at the altar because of this, the only woman who ever gave a rat's ass about me, and I left her in shreds. And why? Apparently, for nothing, apparently for a crime that I never even committed.
David: (about Dorian) See, I don't think she'd do something like that to her own daughter. She would definitely terrorize someone else's daughter, but not her own.
Rex: Look, she hates me. She doesn't want Adriana to have anything to do with me.
David: Oh, don't take that personally. Dorian hates everybody.
[Dorian is surprised when David lets himself into her house]
Dorian: Who do you think you are barging in like this?
David: Sorry -- force of habit.
Dorian: David, this isn't a very good time. I'm handling a very difficult situation. Thank you for stopping by. Leave.
David: (ignoring her) I can only stay for one drink, then I got to go.
Dorian: (to Rex) How did you get in here? David! What -- how -- why? Why would you help this -- this miscreant?
David: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I would never stoop so low as to help a --
David: What does that mean?
Rex: Tell me who you hired to break me and Adriana up and tell me now.
David: Uh, Rex, about my nightclub --
Rex: No, there's no nightclub. You didn't get anything out of her.
Dorian: David, you would betray me for a third-rate nightclub?
David: I was going to make you a silent partner.
Dorian: Get out of here, both of you, ok? Get out of here now before I call the police.
David: I'm going to the Llanview library and looking up --
David: The word you called him.
Bo: Vickers, I am so happy that -- that you enjoyed yourself.
David: Was that sarcasm? You being sarcastic?
Bo: What, me? No, wouldn't dream of it.
David: Have you been talking to Dorian?
David: That was her usual retort.
Bo: I'm surprised you haven't been to see her.
David: I can't go to her house. She hung a very handsome picture of me on the front gate with a line drawn through it.
Bo: We arrested Dorian.
David: For what?
Bo: It's Dorian, so it's a very complicated thing. She's right down in the holding cell.
David: She's -- she --
[David immediately heads down toward the holding cell to see Dorian]
Paige: Now, that is a man still in love.
Bo: Or in greed. You know, I never got it with those two.
Paige: Yeah, I -- I guess they do.
Paige: I mean, they have their differences, but it's true love.
[David talks to Dorian while she's in her jail cell -- she has been arrested for hiring someone to stalk Adriana and frame Rex]
David: I want the truth now.
Dorian: The truth? And since when have you given a damn about that?
David: Since you came to me when I was where you are now and you told me to be a man. You told me that I ought to stop running, come clean, that I might find some peace. And you know what? I did.
David: So I stepped up, and I admitted that I shot John McBain's father. And you know what? This is a bad analogy because I was innocent, and you're plain guilty.
Dorian: I don't need a lecture! I need a friend.
David: What happened to your cowboy boyfriend?
Dorian: When Clint found out I had been arrested and why, he broke things off with me.
David: Excuse me. (turning away from Dorian and whispering to himself) Yes! (turning back towards Dorian) Well, that didn't take long, did it?
Dorian: Huh. If you came here as a friend, fine. If not, kindly leave me to my private hell alone.
David: You look very "Women Behind Bars."
Dorian: David. Did you come back here just to gloat? Hmm?
David: I came back here to tell you that I spoke to your lawyer. Who can read, incidentally. Which is more than I can say for that teenage ambulance chaser you hired for me.
Dorian: Mr. Peterson was a perfectly good lawyer.
David: Oh, come on! The ink was barely dry on his law school diploma.
Dorian: David, I love Adriana. She means the world to me. I will do whatever it takes to win her back. Whatev-- you certainly don't think I'm going to just lie back and lose everybody in the world I really love and care about?
David: You haven't lost everybody.
Dorian: Wait a minute, David. What did Adriana say?
David: I suggested to her that she try to forgive you.
David: She sort of rolled her eyes.
[Dorian is upset to see Adriana out with Rex]
David: (to Dorian) If you don't start to like him, you're going to lose her.
Dorian: Like him. Mm-hmm. Oh, hello, Adriana -- and Rex. Oh, it is so good to see you looking so well and out of the hospital!
David: A for effort, and A for execution. Very impressive.
[Dorian is shocked when Renee accuses David of trying to pay the mayor's wife to sleep with him]
Dorian: You tried to sell yourself to the mayor's wife?
David: No. Beats digging ditches for a living.
David: I haven't exactly been voted Llanview's most popular resident.
Dorian: You know, trying to seduce the mayor's wife wouldn't have helped.
David: I need the money.
David: I have no job, no money,and no place to live. People in this town treat me as if I've got some sort of contagious disease. Why shouldn't I leave?
Dorian: Because I'd miss you.
David: I'm sorry -- what?
Dorian: Because I'd miss you, you moron.
David: That's really sweet, I appreciate it. But it doesn't pay the rent.
[David asks Dorian to leave town with him]
Dorian: Go away with you? You're joking.
David: I've never been more serious in my life. Why do you need to stick around in Llanview? It's not like you need to stay here for the money.
Dorian: I get it. You want me and my checkbook.
David: I always want you, baby. The money doesn't hurt.
Dorian: Oh, ho! I so appreciate your honesty.
David: I'm really going. I'm not going to stick around here for Spencer's trial.
Dorian: But you'll have to testify.
David: So I'll leave a forwarding address.
David: Haven't you ever just wanted to ditch everything and start all over again?
Dorian: Hmm. Many, many, many times. It sounds tempting, but --
David: But, but, but -- but what?
Dorian: It's -- but we'd be running away.
David: I love running away. It's what I do best.
Dorian: If I went away now, I'd -- I'd never be able to win my daughter back, or Clint.
David: So what? Those two -- they did nothing but hurt you.
Dorian: Oh, no. No, no, no. I've hurt them much more.
David: Remorse is not a quality that suits you.
David: What am I going to do without you?
Dorian: You always do.
David: It's not exactly a skill that you can put on a resume.
[David has just been approached by a casting director who offers to find him work in Hollywood]
David: Would you like to help me write my Oscar acceptance speech right now?
Dorian: Oh, please. Oh, come on, you're not seriously considering this, are you?
David: She is a legitimate casting director. She has a business card! And she thinks I'm a natural.
Dorian: A natural con artist.
David: That's what acting is!
[David wants Dorian to come to Hollywood with him]
David: Come with me. You can be my leading lady.
Dorian: Oh. No thanks. I'm already starring in my very own little drama right here in Llanview.
David: We had good times, didn't we?
Dorian: Yes. We did, always.
David: I'll miss you.
Dorian: I'll miss you.
[They kiss, and then David leaves]
[Dorian finds David sleeping on a park bench]
David: Lady, if you think you are stealing my shoes --
David: (surprised) Dorian, what are you doing in a public park?
Dorian: Me? What are you doing here?
David: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I took a lot of that melatonin? Packs quite a punch. So I thought I'd come out here and get some -- you aren't buying this, are you?
Dorian: David, you spent the night on a park bench.
[Dorian asks David what happened at his meeting with the agent]
David: Well, I was invited up to her suite for an audition.
Dorian: Ooh, how sweet.
David: She put a script in my hand, sat me down on the casting couch, and then she took the script out of my hand.
Dorian: Oh. There went your acting career. I am so sorry.
David: Yeah, tell me about it. You know, I was willing to take one for the team, anything to get my foot in the door, you know?
David: Turns out it wasn't my foot she was interested in.
Dorian: You know, David, it wasn't too long ago that you were ready to sell yourself to the mayor's wife as a gigolo for just a few extra bucks.
David: $500. And we in the trade prefer the term "escort."
David: I have told you I am making a change in my life. I want to succeed by my own merit for the first time in my life.
Dorian: And I think that's absolutely wonderful. I really do, but I wonder. I wonder if maybe you yourself aren't selling yourself short.
David: Do you think I'm pricing myself too low?
Dorian: I think it's time for you to stop selling your soul, David. But how will you live? What will you do?
David: I don't know. But I'll think of something. I always do.
Dorian: Oh, well, maybe I should offer you your job back at "Craze."
Dorian and David: No.
David: I should talk to Viki. I bet she'd give me a job at "The Banner." She's always liked me, you know.
Dorian: If you are trying to tick me off, it's working.
David: I'd like to pay my respects to John's family, but --
David: I got a feeling I wouldn't be welcome there.
[There's a knock on Dorian's door]
Dorian: Who is it?
David: (disguising his voice) Pizza delivery.
[Dorian opens the door]
Dorian: David, what are you doing here?
David: I thought we would start with a lovely cheese pizza -- God, you look hot.
Dorian: I loathe pizza.
David: Yeah, but I love it.
Dorian: What do you really want?
David: Forget the pizza, I want you.
Dorian: You want me?
David: You think I don't? I do, I want you. Look, I miss you, I miss everything about you. I miss your kindness, I miss your hospitality -- God, you look hot.
Dorian: You've got nowhere else to go.
David: That depends on your definition of "nowhere."
Dorian: You're not going to have the temerity to suggest that you live here with me, are you?
David: No, absolutely not. I would never do that. Well, I would, and I am. I would like to, but I won't try to sleep with you. Well, I will probably try to sleep with you, but if you don't want me to, I won't. One of your guest rooms will be just fine.
Dorian: They're filled.
David: Then can I sleep on the couch, please?
Dorian: And why would you need someplace to stay? You seemed perfectly comfortable on that park bench.
David: It turns out that park bench was already spoken for by a smelly guy named "Angry."
Dorian: David, are you expecting free room and board from me?
David: No, absolutely not. I could -- clean the pool?
Dorian: I have a perfectly good pool man.
David: Wash the windows?
Dorian: The gardener does that.
David: Cabana boy?
Dorian: I know that things have been very, very difficult for you. And now with Sencer's trial coming up and the fact that you have that great disappointment in your -- ahem -- so-called acting career --
David: Okay, well, with all of this sympathy, you'll let me stay, right?
[Dorian doesn't answer]
David: I'm going to take that look as to mean "yes."
David: Think about it, Dorian. I'm probably the only person on the planet right now who truly understands you -- except maybe Medea. Was she a real person or a fake person?
Dorian: Adriana is very young and very vulnerable. I don't want to see her go down that same path as my sisters Melinda or Addie or -- well, what about what happened to Cassie and -- and Blair and Kelly and me?
David: That list just keeps getting longer and longer, doesn't it?
[Dorian is furious that Adriana has fallen in love with Rex Balsom]
Dorian: Rex? I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but he's just like the worst kind of -- I mean, he's just exactly like all the rest of those horrible examples of men who have destroyed the lives of the women in my family!
David: Well, don't get mad at me. I never drove you to an insane asylum.
Dorian: (about Adriana and Rex) She doesn't really love him. She just thinks that she does. I mean, how hard was it for me to get her to stop trusting him?
David: Not too hard. You just had to hire your average madman and have him stalk her and mess with her mind.
Dorian: (about Bruce) He seemed very respectable. He was a lawyer.
David: That was your red flag right there.
David: You need a friend right now. What have I done? I brought you a pizza. I gave you a nice, long shoulder massage. So if for no other reason, let me stay here for karma points. What do you say?
Dorian: What the hell. Okay.
David: You're not just toying with me? Not trying to get my hopes up just to watch them crumble on your travertine floor?
Dorian: That isn't travertine. It's marble.
Dorian: David? How far have you fallen?
David: Apparently, pretty far.
Dorian: You can stay here with me.
David: And not just on the sofa, right? You're a lifesaver. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Dorian: Oh, but there are going to be some ground rules, all right? And if they're not adhered to -- strictly adhered to -- you're back out on the street.
David: No, that's fine. I agree to the ground rules -- no eating in the living room, and no charging anything over $500 to your accounts.
Dorian: We'll just take it one day and night at a time.
David: Perfect! That's how I live my life, anyway.
[David and Dorian are making out on the kitchen table]
Dorian: Oh, you know this is a mistake.
David: Do you have any powdered sugar?
[David and Dorian are still making out on the kitchen table...]
David: And you thought I'd shown you everything.
David: Reminds me of the good old days.
Dorian: Oh, yes, they were glorious, weren't they? Oh.
[Kelly walks in on David and Dorian about to have sex in the kitchen]
Kelly: Oh, my God!
Dorian: Um -- huh.
David: Hi, Kelly.
Dorian: Well, sweetheart, I didn't hear you come in.
Dorian: David has gotten some really interesting offers to go to Hollywood and become an actor.
Dorian: And he was just showing me how they shot a -- a scene in a kitchen in an old movie.
David: I was Jack Nicholson.
Dorian: Right, and I was --
David: My apple strudel.
Kelly: Yeah. You know, you guys don't have to explain anything to me. Who am I to judge?
Kelly: I smell pizza. Ooh. You know, I would have knocked, but it's, like, the kitchen.
Dorian: Where did you get that robe?
David: In your closet. It's the one you stole from the Savoy.
Dorian: I never steal robes or towels from hotels. You do.
David: I learned that from you.
Dorian: What were you doing going into my room without being invited in?
David: Wait a second. So you and I can get all intimate over there on the thing, but I have to ask to borrow a robe?
Dorian: Now, hold it right there. You are never again, even casually, to mention that episode that almost happened.
David: Fair enough.
Dorian: Now, then, David --
David: "Now, then, David"? I don't like the tone of that -- you're kicking me out again, aren't you? I use your shower one time and you're kicking me back out on the street, aren't you?
Dorian: You used my shower, too?
David: The blue room has lousy water pressure. You should get a plumber in there before you stick your next guest in there.
Dorian: David, I don't want you to move out, in fact, is the very opposite. I want you to stay here.
David: To be with you?
Dorian: No, not to -- no, no, no, no, though, obviously we are still very much attracted to each other, but that doesn't change the fact that we are very bad for each other.
David: Well, there's "good" bad and "bad" bad. I think we're good bad, but if you think we're bad bad, I will defer to you since it's your house.
Dorian: Good call.
David: So why do you want me to stick around?
Dorian: Because I want you here as my -- my dear and special friend.
David: Ah. Wait a second. You want me to help you get Clint Buchanan back, don't you?
Dorian: Well, that is part of it.
Dorian: But I also want you to help me get Adriana back. She's very, very fond of you.
David: So let me get this straight -- you want me to help you get Clint back, who dumped you, and your daughter back, who left you because you hired some sort of stalker who terrified her --
Dorian: Now, wait a minute. I don't want to hear any more about that.
David: And you want me to do all of this, you want me to help you, from the blue room?
Dorian: That's my best offer. I would take it if I were you.
David: I have been sort of down on my luck lately.
Dorian: Things will get better.
David: I agree. After all, Spencer is behind bars where he will hopefully stay for a very long time. And all the secrets of my past are out in the open. I feel like a fresh start. I can live in the blue room, conspire with you. What's old is new again.
Dorian: That's right. And it's going to give you time to reinvent yourself, and what a magnificent invention you're going to be once -- once you've gotten ready to accept your past and who you really are. Hmm. Magnificent!
David: I wouldn't go that far.
David: One thing about La Boulaie -- never a dull moment.
David: Good, I'm glad you're here. I have some incredible news. I finally figured out why Spencer is so interested in Asa, why he was keeping those -- those secret files, why he started his -- his one-man show to bring down the entire Buchanan family. Why he ruined Asa's business deal. Why he messed with Kevin's life. Why he -- he framed Bo.
Dorian: I know everything that Spencer has done. David, what's your point?
David: Spencer went after the Buchanans because they had what he never had -- a father who loved and took care of them.
Dorian: So that's why he made sure that Kevin would never be able to be a father? Because Ned Truman was such an awful father? Very, very Freudian.
David: Truman isn't Spencer's real last name.
Dorian: Huh. Truman, Vickers -- huh, with you guys, who can keep track?
Dorian: Even if Spencer is Asa's son, David, he's locked up in jail now. He may never see the light of day again. So how in the world will this information do you any good?
David: You disappoint me. Don't you see the possibilities?
Dorian: Apparently not.
David: Asa is a gazillionaire.
David: So, I have been looking for a way to get back at Spencer for everything he's done to me. I just found a gazillion ways.
Dorian: You really believe that Spencer is Asa Buchanan's son?
David: Well, it explains Spencer's hatred for the Buchanans and why he's always been such an egomaniacal, power-hungry dirtbag.
David: Asa had an affair with my mother and gave birth to Spencer.
Dorian: And then she went trudging through the snow, clutching her infant babe in her arms, begging Asa to take them in, and he turned them away.
David: I think Asa would've turned them away even if it was hot as hell and she was sweating bullets, which she probably was, what with a baby and no husband to help support her.
David: (to Dorian) I always knew Spencer was a bastard. Never knew he was literally a bastard.
Dorian: David darling, what's in it for you?
David: My share of the family fortune.
Dorian: They're not your family!
David: I'm Spencer's only living relative. What he gets, I get. How do you think I'll look in a cowboy hat?
David: My money is on Spencer to get the Buchanan's money, especially since he's Asa's biological son.
Dorian: Even if he does wrangle some of the Buchanan money, what makes you think he's going to share any of it with you?
David: He loves me?
David: I need a plan. More importantly, maybe I need someone to help me come up with that plan.
Dorian: I get a cut of your cut.
David: You don't need the money.
Dorian: Good luck.
David: Wait, maybe -- ugh. I'm sure we could come up with something.
David: Are you insane?
Dorian: Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Dorian: I want it in writing.
David: You drive a hard bargain.
Dorian: I'm in good company.
David: I'm going to make a diagram of all the twisted branches of the Buchanan family tree. Maybe there's some sort of rotten twig we can use to our advantage.
Dorian: They're not all rotten, especially not Clint.
David: Who do we have? There's Asa, Bo, boyfriend Clint --
David: And his nut-case children. Do I have to list all of their individual personalities?
Dorian: It's a very good idea adding Jessica and Kevin. Even though they're not biologically linked to the Buchanan family -- ha-ha -- they get their crazies from Viki's gene pool.
David: Really enjoying this, aren't you?
David: The money mean that much to you?
Dorian: Oh, actually, the money doesn't matter to me at all.
David: Oh, money's never mattered to you.
Dorian: David, I want you out of here. And the sooner, the better.
David: I've started leaving the seat down.
Dorian: Look, my dear, your living here is -- is -- well, it's not a very good idea because it might give people the impression that we're lovers.
David: People like Clint?
David: You're brilliant.
Dorian: I know.
David: You might be the most devious woman I've ever met.
Dorian: I take that as a compliment.
David: I'm getting excited, I better go. Wish me luck.
Dorian: Always do. David?
Dorian: You make those cowboys pay.
David: Oh, I will, thanks to you. You are a genius, Dorian.
David: Spencer won't sign the power of attorney or the new will.
Dorian: You'll think of something.
David: Where's your inner Dorian, Dorian?
Dorian: Clint and I are going to be spending a romantic dinner here.
David: Romantic tryst. You and the lonesome cowpoke.
David: It's a bad move, Dorian. Clint isn't the trysting type.
David: You should rent out a skeet-shooting range for the night.
Dorian: Do you think they have indoor skeet-shooting ranges?
David: I don't know. Why don't you ask Clint? You know, why don't you save yourself some money and just stock up on corn chips, beef jerky, and cheap beer?
Dorian: Are you finished?
David: For the moment.
[David criticizes the romantic dinner set-up Dorian has planned for Clint]
David: This -- uh -- it isn't going to work, you know. The music, ostentatious flowers -- it's all sadly superficial.
Dorian: It worked with you.
David: Because I'm superficial. I've always been a sucker for empty gestures, especially when they're expensive, but Clint -- he's one of those guys that's probably got depth, not to mention molto gazillions.
Dorian: And you're trying to get your hands on some of those "molto gazillions"?
David: I'm not trying. I'm succeeding.
David: You know, I'm starting to feel that what I did to Hugh Hughes may have been unethical.
Dorian: David, what did you do?
David: I snuck into his hospital room, came out with a signed document.
Dorian: I thought he was unconscious.
David: No. He was awake -- sort of. Doped to the gills. I told him if he signed the contract, it'll keep Spencer away from him forever, which is true. So I steadied his hand and helped him sign on the dotted line.
Dorian: And you really think that document is going to stand up in a court of law?
David: I'll worry about that when the time comes.
Dorian: It is such a shame -- all the pain and suffering that Spencer has caused. Of course, I had his number right from the beginning, but nobody would listen to me.
David: "Right from the beginning" I think you were trying to decide which of your girls to marry off to him, as I remember.
Dorian: Your memory is faulty.
David: You wish.
David: (to Dorian) Since you seem to have all the answers, when do you feel I should go to the Buchanans and tell them they can save themselves a lot of time if they just cut a check directly to me?
Dorian: I intend to get Clint with romance. This is real. This is honest.
David: "Real" and "honest" -- that's you in a nutshell, Dorian.
Dorian: I recognize your look. This is the "David in panic mode" look, and "David in a panic mode" makes very, very bad decisions.
David: I'm not panicked, I'm -- we're talking about my brother here. All right? My brother, who for 25 years led me to believe that I was a murderer. My brother, who fabricated Margaret Cochran's death. He pinned that on his competition, which led to Todd being convicted and then executed. They brought him back to life, but still -- nto mention that -- that disappearing act he did with Margaret's baby.
Dorian: The baby? The baby -- what does that have to do with any of this? What are you saying?
David: All -- look, I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying that -- well, I guess I am. My brother -- half brother, actually -- definitely has plan b up his sleeve. I just don't know what it is -- and he's probably got plans C through Z, also.
David: Well, so much for keeping quiet about Spencer's gene pool.
Dorian: Stay away from me. I can't help you. Go.
David: What are you -- you're the one who told me I should wait until he was convicted before I made a play for the money.
Dorian: So help me, if you say that out loud one more time, I will sue you.
David: For what? Dryer lint?
Dorian: Wish me luck.
David: Well, well -- looks like both of us want to get into bed with the Buchanans. Literally for you, figuratively for me.
[David comes strolling into the kitchen at Dorian's house]
David: Where's the fresh coffee?
Dorian: David, it's past noon.
David: Yeah, I thought I'd get up early. Get a jump on things.
Dorian: Get a jump on things? Like perhaps finding someplace to stay?
David: Dorian, don't be silly. I have a place to stay.
Dorian: Well, obviously, you don't have a robe.
David: Robes are for girls.
Dorian: Well, as usual, you are failing to get he big picture. All right? I -- I have no objection to the fact that you're trying to capitalize on the fact that your half brother is Asa Buchanan's son, all right? What I do object to is the fact that you are ruining my chances of getting Clint back.
David: That looks old. You told me last night that Adriana and Viki ruined your chances at Clint.
Dorian: Are you forgetting everything that you know about me? I'm not going to give up on getting Clint back any more than you're going to give up on getting your hands on Asa's millions -- billions.
David: I may have no choice. I may never get my hands on that money. Unless Spencer ends up as fertilizer in the croaking hills cemetery.
David: I got Hugh to sign over all rights to Spencer's assets to me.
Dorian: Oh, right. Mm-hmm. The signature of a semi-conscious burn victim's going to carry a lot of weight in court.
David: When you put it that way, it sounds fishy.
David: What if Spencer never changed his will? What if he just told me that he changed the will?
Dorian: Yeah, but surely, he'll get around to changing his will before his date with destiny.
David: Unless I move up his execution date.
Dorian: And how do you plan to do that?
David: I kill him.
[Dorian, shocked, pours a glass of cold water all over David]
Dorian: How dare you? How damn well dare you? I mean, you didn't talk about killing Spencer when he stopped our wedding, when he ruined our lives! Oh, no. You -- you have spent your entire adult life letting Spencer make you believe that you were a murderer. Then it turns out that you weren't, and now you are seriously entertaining the notion of turning yourself into one?
Dorian: I honestly thought that I had a shot at Clint. No, I know that I have a shot at Clint. I still do. It -- it -- it's just, David, when he found out that you were staying here in the house with me, he got really, really jealous. And of course, that's when I had to do, you know, what I do best.
David: You did that thing you do best with Clint?
Dorian: Oh, no. Of course not.
Dorian: I had on this really gorgeous outfit.
David: You looked very alluring?
Dorian: If I do say so myself.
David: If you didn't say it, I was going to say it for you.
Dorian: Thank you.
David: Did you get to Capricorn?
Dorian: Oh, yeah, just in time to see Viki and Clint together -- laughing and inking the champagne that was meant for -- for Clint and me. I felt -- I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart.
David: Well, surprised you didn't return the favor -- did you?
Dorian: I was just too humiliated.
David: Oh. So, do you really like Clint?
Dorian: Oh. David, I think I may be falling in love with him.
[David promptly pours a glass of cold water all over Dorian]
[David defends Dorian to Clint]
David: What Dorian did to Adriana is awful. She's not all bad, though. There's a lot of good in her, and a lot of that good is actually great. I'm aware of that, but are you? The reason I came here is because I want Dorian to be happy. Apparently, she thinks if she's with you, she will be happy, so the sooner I step back and let this play out, the sooner she'll come to her senses. It's been good talking to you, and remember -- I was never here. (he quickly leaves)
[Dorian is surprised to see David with Viki at Jessica and Antonio's wedding]
Dorian: David. What are you doing here?
David: Hello, Dorian. I'm Viki's date.
David: So, have I missed anything?
Viki: No. Jessica's not here yet.
David: No, I mean between the two of you. Have you been locked in mortal combat in front of the altar? I tell you what, you throw in some mud, I'll make a significant donation to the widows and orphans fund.
Dorian: Right, with whose money?
David: What are you doing here, Dorian? Is everyone here aware that you ran over Jessica with your car?
Viki: Okay, that's it. Dorian is here as my guest.
David: She -- am I in Bizzaro Llanview all of a sudden?
Viki: Behave yourselves, both of you. Excuse me.
David: Viki's guest? What'd you do, drug her decaf?
Dorian: Well, after all, Kelly's baby makes us kind of family. Viki is, after all, the baby's great-great-great-great-great- great-grandmother." (she laughs)
David: Oh, you love saying that, don't you?
[David crosses the church to go and sit next to Dorian]
David: Excuse me -- can I sit here? Thanks. It's lonely in the front row. I'll sit back here in the cheap seats with you. (he tries to put his arm around her)
Dorian: Get your arm --
[Still at Jessica and Antonio's wedding; David and Dorian watch Clint kiss Viki on the cheek]
David: Well, look at that -- maybe they'll make it a double wedding.
Dorian: Fermez la bouche.
David: This is no time to order takeout.
[David and Dorian watch Jessica interrupt her own wedding ceremony]
Jessica:Antonio, I -- I -- I can't -- I -- I need to do this.
David:(to Dorian) We know how this ends. Let's leave.
[Still at Jessica and Antonio's wedding...]
Andrew: Now I'd like to ask Viki and Carlotta to come up for the lighting of the unity candle.
David: (to Dorian) The unity candle? What do they light that with, the fidelity torch?
[David notices that Dorian is miffed as she watches Clint and Viki]
David: Viki and Clint are the parents of the bride. I think that entitles them to stand beside one another.
Dorian: Viki's certainly working it.
[Clint and Viki dance as David and Dorian watch]
David: You can't blame two parents for dancing at their own daughter's wedding.
Dorian: I don't.
David: Then prove it.
David: Dance with me.
Dorian: I do happen to have a place on my dance card.
[They start to dance]
[Dorian didn't catch the bouquet at Jessica's wedding reception]
David: So, sorry about the bouquet.
Dorian: Oh, well, you know, I'm not sorry. It's a quaint little custom.
Dorian: Doesn't mean much.
David: But you did get to dance with Clint. And you didn't have to lasso him to do it, did you?
David: You're feeling awfully positive about Clint, aren't you?
Dorian: Let's put it this way -- there's going to be an awful lot more of dancing tonight.
David: Ahem. A waltz at a wedding is one thing. Until you do the horizontal mambo with him again, there aren't going to be any ever-afters, happy or otherwise.
Dorian: You're awfully cynical.
David: Not always cynical. I cry at weddings.
David: I do. I always cry when I see some rich babe marrying someone else. You know, I had a rich babe of my own once till I lost her.
Dorian: And whose fault is that?
David: You'll always be the one that got away, Dorian.
Dorian: With her bank account intact. Ha!
David: I know -- more's the pity. You know, Natalie's going to run into some of that Buchanan cash. What do you think is the appropriate interval before I can hit on her?
Dorian: I'm not even going to bother asking what you were talking to Adriana about. I'm too busy keeping my eye on Viki. She smiles, she laughs, she cries. She fawns all over Clint.
David: You're still going on about that?
David: They're at their daughter's wedding. Come on. Are they supposed to pretend that the -- the other isn't here?
Dorian: Works for me. Hmm.
David: Dorian -- they're the parents of the bride. It's not like they're going at it in the cloakroom, although I can't quite make out where Clint's left hand is.
Dorian: If you're just going to make smarmy jokes, I'll find somebody else to keep me company.
David: I'm sorry. You know how I get when I'm nervous.
Dorian: And what do you have to be nervous about except where your next meal is coming from? Oh, that's right, I forgot. You don't need to worry -- you're living with me.
David: That's what makes me nervous.
Dorian: Why? Are you afraid I'll kick you out?
David: No. I'm afraid you won't.
Dorian: You want me to kick you out of La Boulaie?
David: Yes. No. I don't know. It may be the only way to kick-start my life.
Dorian: Is this a sympathy play?
David: If it were, I would have a better game plan.
David: My entire life has revolved around my brother. I am tired of it. I need to start my own life, for better or worse, richer or poorer.
Dorian: David, you're not getting married.
David: You know, if you play your cards right, you can have everything you want. Clint, and Adriana back in the fold.
Dorian: I wish I could believe that.
David: Well, whether you want to or not, that's what you got to do. You got to be your no-holds-barred beautiful self. If you keep both eyes on the road, and what's ahead, you'll get where you want to go.
Dorian: I'll drink to that.
David: To the road ahead, and what lies there for both of us.
Dorian: The ceremony was very touching and all of that, but you have to admit the reception -- I mean -- Renee's catering was absolutely abysmal. The flowers -- they're so ordinary.
David: Yeah, well, that's the Buchanan clan for you -- allergic to class.
Doan: Mm-hmm. Wouldn't it have been better if they rented out the country club, had a string quartet?
David: Yeah, plenty of swag for the guests.
Dorian: That's what I call a wedding.
David: That was our wedding -- the wedding that wasn't.
Dorian: We are two of the most forward-looking people in this town. Please let us not fall prey to sloppy sentimentality.
David: Always the pragmatist.
Dorian: Always the opportunist.
David: Still, moments like these, it's hard not to think about our wedding day.
Dorian: A lot has happened since then.
David: It certainly has. You in the big house, me in the doghouse.
Dorian: You're leaving Llanview, again? Why? Where are you going to go?
Dorian: You've been there and done that.
David: Yeah, well, you're the one who said, "why not me?" Hilary Swank lived in her car for over a year before she got any work, and look at her now. She's a two-time, Oscar-winning, multimillion-dollar baby.
Dorian: Pipe dream.
David: Maybe it is, but you know what? I still got my youth in me. And I've got a couple -- hundred rounds left in me on the casting couch. If it'll land me on Pay-Per-View.
Dorian: That's right. Aim high.
David: Give me your hand. Why don't we dance?
Dorian: There's no music.
David: Yeah. That's never stopped us before.
David: I'm no good at goodbyes. I'm more accustomed to an angry mob chasing me out of town.
Dorian: Hmm. I don't think any goodbye could be sufficient.
David: I'll miss you.
Dorian: Hmm. I'll miss you.
David: Ah -- you don't know Dorian like I do. She's independent, but she likes to let you do the decision-making from time to time, and when she does, that's when you know she really loves you.
Clint: She'll be sad that you're going.
David: Well, Dorian and I have been in and out of each other's lives for a very long time. That's not going to change just because I'm catching waves in foreign waters.