"There's Always a Plan B" -- David/Clint 2008

[Nora and Clint are shocked to find David lounging around the Buchanan mansion]
Nora: Is that Clint's robe?
David: I know, I couldn't believe it, either. It's such a nasty color.


[Clint is enraged to find David at the Buchanan mansion]
Clint: Nigel! Where's the buckshot?
Nigel: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, they're in the office safe at Mrs. Buchanan's request. (he leaves the room to get the buckshot)
Nora: (to David) My son lives here -- if I were you, I would run.
David: What, and miss all the excitement?
Nora: Stop it!
Clint: Vickers? If you're still here when Nigel gets back, you're going to be picking buckshot out of your backside from now until Christmas Day.
David: Now, I'm aware that things have probably changed since Asa went to the big roundup in the sky, but this certainly isn't kosher, is it, Nora?
Clint: (roaring) Nigel!
Nigel: Still looking, Sir!


[Jared says he invited David to stay at the Buchanan mansion so he could get back on his feet]
Clint: Back on his feet? What feet? He's a parasite.
David: Are you aware that I was the star of my own television program?
Clint: "America's Biggest Deadbeat"?
David: No, "Supermodel Crime Club."


Clint: How did you get past security? They have orders to shoot you on sight.
David: Well, not anymore. You know, you really ought to update that list at the guardhouse. Mitch Laurence is still on it, and he's dead.


David: You know, if anyone is a friend of this family, it should be me. Nora, are you aware that Jessica is running around with a piece of my liver in her? And Clint, you may be upset at Dorian and myself, but you should thank me for taking her off your hands. Aren't you happier here with Red?
Clint: And for that I won't shoot you till you get past the gate.
David: Not very Buchanan of you, is it? Aren't you supposed to lift up the downtrodden?


David: I'm going to go. But I have something to say first. This may take awhile, Jared. Why don't you get us some chairs?
Clint: Whatever it is, Vickers, it'll keep.
David: I don't think you'll feel that way after you've taken my opening salvo.


Clint: Vickers, I don't have time to shoot you right now, but if you're still here when I get back, I'll clear my schedule and make time.
David: I'll be in my usual spot on the east lawn.


[Clint and Nora leave after having been harassed by David]
Jared: Was that necessary?
David: You kidding? They love that. Jared, people like you and me give Nora and Clint a reason to feel superior. You're going to find out what that's all about if you don't give me my money and I'm forced to tell them that you're an imposter. What's Clint going to think?


[Natalie has just told Clint and Bo that David is Asa's son]
Clint: David Vickers.
Bo: Our brother.
Clint: Bo, I don't know what to do with that.
Bo: Neither do I.


Clint: (to David and Addie) I heard that the two of you tied the knot.
David: Yes, we did. We're registered at Logan's and the yacht club. We haven't received anything from you yet.


[Clint tries to needle Dorian about David and Addie's marriage]
Clint: Just to prove that you're not a sore loser, you're going to give David and Addie a reception, aren't you?
Dorian: That is not a marriage. It is a joke, it is a sham, and I'm going to do everything I can to get my sister free from that --
Clint: Leech -- bloodsucker -- gigolo.


David: You wouldn't happen to have a plan B would you?
Clint: There is no plan B.
David: Oh, Clint. I'm an Einstein when it comes to these kinds of schemes. There's always a plan B.
Nora: Yeah, well, we don't have one.
David: Amateurs. Oh, I'm sure between our combined intellects we can come up with something.


David: Surely you can see how sweet my life is right now. I mean, I'm married to a wonderful woman and I'm living high on Dorian's hog.
Clint: Well, how long do you think Dorian will put up with you being married to Addie?
David: That's the best part. There's nothing she can do about it.


Clint: You know something? You could find yourself back behind bars in Morocco.
David: I hate couscous.


[Clint gives David a check in exchange for David's promise that he'll get B.E. away from Dorian]
David: You're paying me in advance?
Clint: Well, I'm not an idiot, you know. There's a hold on that check until I get control of B.E.
David: Oh, my -- I can't remember the last time I saw that many zeros.


[David was unsuccessful in getting B.E. from Dorian]
David: (to David Vickers the Dog) What do you say, D.V.? Should we head over to old Clint Buchanan's house and see if we can't work out a deal? Maybe if I'm brilliant and you're cute, he won't stop payment on the $10 million. That's a great idea. There's almost no chance of it working. Let's give it a shot.


Clint: David, you are in such a big hurry. Why don't you relax, have yourself a drink, and celebrate the good news?
David: No, no, I'm on a diet. I do allow myself one glass of champagne a day, but that's usually my morning mimosa.


Clint: Well, then just wait around for me while I call Dorian to congratulate her being reasonable.
David: What? No, don't -- you don't want to call Dorian.
Clint: Why not?
David: She's a sore loser. It wouldn't be much of a fun conversation.
Clint: All right, then. I'll shoot her an e-mail.
David: E-mail? No, uh, Dorian's a Luddite. She still uses a fountain pen, if you can believe that.


[Clint knows that David tried to scam him]
Clint: Mr. Vickers, it was an awfully good try, but you're not getting anything from me.
Nigel: (to David) Your dog has just regurgitated on the carpet.
David: I think I might just follow suit.
Clint: Nigel, would you be so kind as to show these two creatures out?
Nigel: It will be my pleasure, Sir.


Clint: (to Nora) You know, David Vickers always seems to be one step away from the big score. I almost feel sorry for him.


[Asa's video will leaves all of his money to David Vickers]
Asa: I know you're all asking yourselves how can I give my fortune to that jackass David Vickers, even if he is my own flesh and blood?
Clint: Now you start to make sense.


Bo: I'm going to go run Vickers through the database at the department.
Clint: Well, if we're at all lucky, he's in a Thai prison somewhere.
Bo: You know, I'm hoping it's a Turkish prison.
Clint: Yeah.