David Vickers and the Dead Baby Lie (2001-2002)
The Back Story: David Vickers has been absent from Llanview since 1996, running cons presumably all over the world. Now he is in Mexico -- where, it turns out, Todd and Blair are as well. Todd has just delivered Blair's newborn son (who would eventually be named Jack). While in reality, the baby is Todd's, Todd doesn't know this because Blair lied to him about the paternity. Todd believes the baby belongs to Max Holden, Blair's other ex-husband. Before Blair can tell him the truth, she goes to sleep. While she sleeps, Todd -- not wanting anything to stand in the way of reuniting with Blair -- decides to "get rid of" the baby (while telling Blair that the baby is dead). David doesn't know it yet, but he's about to become involved in this storyline in a big way.

David Calls Renee at The Palace Hotel - October 2001
The Setup: While in Mexico, David places a phone call to Renee back in Llanview. She is less than thrilled to hear from him. These are actor Tuc Watkins' (the man who plays David) first scenes back on the show.


Renee: (answering the phone)  Good afternoon, Palace Hotel.
David: How do you like that?  I got lucky on the first try.
Renee: May I help you?
David: Well, you sure can, Ms. Renee Divine.
Renee: Who is this?
David: I am crushed.  You don't recognize the dulcet sounds of my voice?
Renee: Look, I'm quite busy right now, so I --
David: Okay, okay, I'll give you a hint.  I used to be one of your best customers.
Renee: It does sound familiar now.
David: All right, now for the giveaway -- I was Kelly Cramer's favorite attempted murder victim.
Renee: Murder?  David Vickers?
David: Big as life and twice as exciting.


Renee: Last I'd heard, you took a lot of money from Dorian Lord and were well on your way to bilking someone else.
David: Why, you have a very good memory.


David: You know, I was actually very jealous to hear that you and Asa had gotten remarried.  How are you lovebirds doing, anyway?
Renee: We're divorced.
David: Oh.  Gee, I'm sorry to hear that.


David: You know, I don't throw terms like "chance of a lifetime" around lightly, Renee.
Renee: I'm glad to hear that, David.
David: This is a gift for old time's sake from me to you.
Renee: And you know how I love gifts.
David: Oh, then you're going to love this.  I have a one-time-only window of opportunity to get in on the ground floor of an enterprise that is going to revolutionize global communications.  Now, I'm not going to bore you with the details.
Renee: Good, because I can't program my VCR.
David: Hey, as long as you know how to count your profits.  This is now or never, Renee.  Now, if you could just wire me the cash --
[Renee hangs up]




David and Todd Cross Paths in Mexico - October 2001
The Setup: The last time David and Todd saw one another was before Todd went to Ireland (where he was presumed dead). Now, David and Todd run into one another again at an airport in Mexico -- David is in the middle of one of his famous cons, and Todd is trying to get rid of Blair's newborn baby (the baby is really his, but he doesn't know that -- he thinks it's Max Holden's).  Todd, already stressed after lying and telling Blair that the baby "died," is in no mood to deal with David.


David: Well, well, well. If it isn't Todd Manning and child.  What have we here?


David: Fancy seeing you here.
Todd: Go away, Vickers.
David: Todd Manning -- the man who ruined my life.
Todd: Oh, like you had a life to ruin.


David: Well, I admit Dorian and I -- well, she and I had a pretty good thing going together until you and that little whore of a wife stepped in.
Todd: Are you calling Blair a whore?
David: No.  She just married you for your money.
Todd: Which is really all you were after.  Does that make you a whore?
David: Little did I know I could have just waited a few more months.  You had to be a hero with that Irish guy -- what was his name?  You croak and, hey, your money's up for grabs.
Todd: Well, now I'm back.
David: Yeah, I heard about that, too.


Todd: You have to get the hell out of my way.
David: Why, you got to go take care of that baby?  I assume it is yours, right?
Todd: What?
David: Well, if Blair's the mother, I assume it's a question.


Todd: This isn't Blair's baby.
David: Oh, nuts. You guys broke up?  What happened?
Todd: Go away, Vickers!
David: Or what, you're going to hurt me?  You're holding a baby, Manning.


David: Let's see, if it's not Blair's baby and it's not your baby, what are you doing with it?
Todd: I'm babysitting.
David: Gee, I never knew you had this selfless side to you, Todd.  Learn something new every day. (to the baby) Are you staying with Uncle Todd?  Huh?  Did some completely deaf, dumb, and blind woman leave you with him?
Todd: Okay, stop it.  You're scaring it.
David: Gee, Todd, I don't know, seeing this baby, it's bringing out all these warm, fuzzy parental feelings I have inside me.


Todd: What are you doing here anyway?
David: What, you don't love sunny Mexico?  Actually, you know, it's a fascinating story, what I'm doing here.
Todd: Oh.  Okay, if I let you tell me your fascinating story, then will you go away?
David: After I tell you my story, you're not going to want me to go away.


David: I am looking for investors for a land development deal down here.
Todd: In Mexico.
David: Oh, yeah.  The real estate market is booming in Verguenza.
Todd: Oh, yeah, sure.  Verguenza.
David: Yeah, it's a small little town, not too far from here.  This big American company is about to break ground on a factory they're going to build down there.
Todd: You don't say.  And you need some money.
David: Give me a month.  Triple your investment.
Todd: I don't need for you to triple my investment.
David: You do if you want to get rid of me.


[Todd starts to write a check out to David]
Todd: Oh, look.  I'm buying my very own factory in Mexico.  If that isn't every boy's dream.  D-a-v- -- right? -- i-d?
David: And you and Blair aren't actually still together, huh?
Todd: No.  Hasta la vista.
David: (looking at the check)  Don't you want me to triple a little bit more than this?


[Todd gets a phone call from Blair, but tells David it was a wrong number]
David: Did I hear you mention something about a baby to that wrong number?
Todd: Did you hear me mention to airport security that you're a male prostitute?


David: I guess I'd better get going.  I have to build my own factory in --
Todd: Verguenza.
David: Right.


[After Todd left the baby with the Mexican nuns, David tries to convince them to hand the kid over to him instead.]
David: Today is just one of those incredible days.  You know what I mean, Sisters?  A man walks up, he hands you a baby, he disappears.  You have no idea what in the world you're going to do, and then all of a sudden, another man shows up and solves your problem -- miracle of miracles!


[David tries to convince the nuns that he is actually the baby's uncle]
David: Can you see the family resemblance?  Huh?  Yeah?  Look at his nose.  Am I this baby's uncle, or am I this baby's uncle?  Look how much he loves me.  El tio, huh?  All right.  Something official proves it even better.  Look at this.  (showing the nuns his driver's license)  Me llamo David Vickers, okay?  The man who just left the baby here?  El llama Todd Vickers, my brother.  Mi hermano.  Right?  Now, I'm going to tell you something about my brother, Todd, and I don't want you to tell anyone else, all right?  He's crazy.  That's right.  Es muy loco, not right in the head.  I've been following my brother around for quite some time now because, well, I was afraid something like this was going to happen.  You see, Todd -- you never know what he's going to give away next -- his money, his car, his underwear.  Today, he gave away his own son, but luckily, Tio David, Uncle David was here to make sure that nothing happened to his little nephew.


[The nuns threaten to call the police unless David tells them the truth]
David: Todd -- the other guy -- he's not my brother.
Nun: Ah, no?  No hermano?
David: Si.  Uh, no.  No.
Nun: He's father of baby?
David: We are *both* father of baby.  You see, the thing is...  (dramatic pause)  Todd is my life partner.


David: Listen to me.  I want you to give me the baby now, so we don't have to cause anyone else any more problems.
Nun: This your baby?
David: Yes.  Si.  Comprendez.  It's incredible, isn't it?  And you wouldn't want me to have to explain to your bishop that you kidnapped the son of two gay gringos, now, would you?


[David brings the baby to the place where Todd and Blair are staying]
Todd: Vickers?
David: David to my friends.
Todd: Vickers.  What the hell are you doing here and with -- with --
David: With junior?
Todd: Yeah.
David: Well, I got him from those sweet, little nuns at the airport, of course.  The ones that you tried to give our baby to.
Todd: "Our baby"?
David: That's right, snookums. It's like I told the nuns -- you and I adopted him.  Then we had a big fight, and you tried to give him away.  But, luckily, I got him back.
Todd: Great.  You know, only you would come up with a story like that.
David: Well, luckily, the story has a happy ending, and our family of three is back together again!


Todd: You need to go away.
David: Why don't you want Blair to know that I'm here?  Wouldn't have anything to do with this little tax deduction, would it?


David: You know, I actually think I have something you might want.
Blair: You have something that I want?
David: I'd stake my life on it -- well, someone's anyway.


Blair: Wait -- you ran into David Vickers down here in Mexico and you didn't even mention it to me, Todd?
Todd: Well, who cares about him? I haven't thought about him since -- since he left Llanview.  Wouldn't want to.  Guy tried to take me for $27.8 million.
David: Would have settled for the .8.


David: Blair, what is it that every woman wants?
Blair: (doesn't answer)
David: That's right -- security.  I have an extraordinary investment opportunity, and I can get you in on the ground level.
Blair: Thank you, David, but I'm not -- I'm not in the mood.
Todd: Yeah, and I've invested just about every penny that I'm going to invest, so looks like you're finished here, David.
David: No, I'm not.  And I think you should listen to me also, Todd, for your own security.  Blair, if you're not willing to do it for your own future, you should consider Starr's future -- or the future of any little baby brother that you may or may not have in your plans.  (seeing Todd and Blair's reactions to that)  Oh, I'm sorry.  Something I said?


Todd: (ushering David into another room)  I think Blair needs a little time by herself now.
David: You know, I was thinking the very same thing, and I was wondering if I could have a word with you.
Todd: Not now.  Maybe later.  Pencil me in for "never."


David: (to Todd)  Poor Blair, losing her baby like that. Hey, what do you say we just give her the one you've got stashed in the other room?


David: You know, Todd, there are plenty of men on the planet who don't like to change diapers, but telling Blair that the kid's dead and then trying to hand him off to a couple of nuns -- I call that a little over the top.
Todd: It's none of your business.
David: You know, what's so strange is I'd always heard that you had such a soft spot in your heart for kids.  You ought to be wild about this one.  He's yours, after all.  You -- (suddenly he realizes what's going on)  Oh, boy.  Oh, boy.  That's it.  This isn't your kid, is it?  And here I just thought you had poor parenting skills.


David: I'm going to tell Blair what you've done and that her bouncing baby boy is still alive and bouncing.
Todd: If you do that, I'll kill you.
David: That's the wrong answer.


[David goes into the next room and tells Blair he has good news for her]
Blair: Look, David, I'm really, really not in the mood, so --
David: I think you will be for this.  You see --
Blair: What?
Todd: (interrupting)  Well, the good news is that, uh -- I'm going to buy into that investment scheme that David couldn't shut up about earlier.  I'm going to triple my money. And so will David.
David: More like quadruple.  Which is very exciting -- for me, anyway.


David: If you don't give me exactly what I want, I'm going to tell Blair that her baby is alive and well and in the next room...because based on the way she's reacting, I think she has a right to know.
Todd: Really?  Who asked you?  What, did you take a poll?
David: Oh, luckily for you, I also think I have a right -- to be rich.


Todd: Okay, you need to leave now.
David: Without giving Blair her happy ending?
Todd: No, really, take a hike.
David: Hiking's so exhausting.  I'd rather travel first class.


Todd: If you want this money -- and I know that you do -- you're going to have to earn it.
David: What's my motivation?
Todd: More money.
David: Motivated.  Lay it on me.
Todd: Go away and take the kid with you.
David: You want me to take the baby?
Todd: Yeah.
David: Where?
Todd: I don't care.
David: Why don't you take him?
Todd: I don't want it.  What am I going to do with it?
David: I don't know.  Give him back to those nuns.  They seem to like him okay.


[David has agreed to take the baby]
Todd: Take this and vamonos.
David: Does this mean we're breaking up?


Todd: How do I know that you're not going to show up again on my doorstep asking for more child support?
David: Well, for one thing, I'm banned in the good old U.S. of A.  I apparently have some sort of problem with the law.  I'm not really sure what it is, but you know how that goes.





David Helps Todd Get the Baby Back - November 2001
The Setup: Eventually, Blair tells Todd that the "dead" baby was his, and a frantic Todd immediately tracks down David so he can get his son back.  His search leads him to a hotel room, where David is living it up on the money that Todd paid him back in October.


David: (ordering room service on the phone)  Did I or did I not order room service an hour and a half ago?  That's what you said the last time I called.  Grilled abalone with black truffle sauce, and I want it now.  (hangs up the phone)  They call this a five-star hotel.  Oh, why do I sell myself so short when money doesn't go anywhere these days?  $200,000 -- poof.
[Suddenly there's a knock at the door]
David: It's about time.  Hope you're not expecting my standard 3% gratuity.


[Todd has arrived]
David: "Where's the baby"?  That's a pretty interesting question, Todd.


Todd: You lowlife, bottom-feeding bloodsucker!  You tell me -- where's that baby?
David: You care that much?
Todd: I'm going to reach down your throat and I'm going to grab your appendix and I'm going to turn you inside out -- that's how much I care!
David: I want you to hold on a second because if I remember, back at that old aeropuerto, you couldn't even look that baby in the face.  Now, he's the holy grail.


David: Whose baby is he, besides Blair's?
Todd: Never mind about that.  Just hand it over.
David: (dawning realization)  It's yours.  That baby is yours.
Todd: Shut up!
David: Oh, my lords and ladies.  Todd Manning gave away his own baby...!


David: Why do you want the baby back, anyway?  Then you're going to have to tell Blair that you lied.  And once she finds out, she will dump you so hard, you'll bounce.


Todd: How much did they pay you?  You tell me.  What was the price for you giving up your glorious gift of gab?
David: Look, they wanted the whole baby-buying thing to be very hush-hush.  I'm sure you can appreciate that, it being illegal and all.


[Todd threatens to call the cops]
David: I don't look good in prison orange.
Todd: Well, nobody does.
David: Orange is so last year.


David: I just want you to know I did right by your kid.
Todd: Nobody said it was my kid.
David: No one had to.





Todd's Nightmare - January 2002
The Setup: Todd found his son and brought him back home, but couldn't bring himself to admit to Blair that he'd lied about the baby dying in the first place. So he told her that this new baby was "adopted." (They named him Jack.) Plagued with guilt, Todd suffers a nightmare in which all of the people who know the truth -- including an older version of Jack -- threaten to tell Blair that Todd lied.


Older Jack: How could you, Dad?  How could you even think about giving me away to some lowlife piece of dirt like David Vickers?
David: Yeah, see, I'm not really comfortable being called a piece of dirt, all right?

Older Jack: Look at this guy.  You trusted my life to him -- a thief, a con man, a total creep.
David: You forgot "handsome."





David Returns to Llanview - January 2002
The Setup: David comes back to town with one goal in his mind: blackmailing Todd over the Dead Baby Lie. This is the first time he's been in Llanview since the mid-90's, and not many people are very happy to see that he has returned.


David: Todd's going to be be *so* excited to see me.


[David runs into Renee at The Palace]
David: No, Renee, I didn't come for your money.  Just got back in town.  I'm looking for an old friend.
Renee: A friend here in Llanview?  Good luck.
David: I love this town.


[David is pestering Natalie - Viki intervenes]
Viki: Well, well, well. David Vickers.  You keep your distance from her.
David: Viki, it is so good to see you.
Viki: I mean it. You lay one hand on my daughter, and I will feed you your fingers for lunch.
David: That's *awfully* graphic.


[David shows up at Dorian's old house, where the Mannings are now living]
David: Miss me?  Hey, how's the baby?
Todd: What are you doing here, Vickers?
David: I just came to see an old friend, who seems to be living in my old home.
Todd: You sure you're supposed to be here in the states?  Should I call the feds?
David: Nah, they got bigger fish to fry these days.
Todd: I'm sure there's someone there who must be interested.
David: Oh, I wouldn't count on that.  You see, Todd, my legal troubles have cleared up.
Todd: Really?  Since when?
David: Since I cut a deal with the I.R.S.  (pause)  Are you happy for me?


Todd: You want to make a deal?  Okay.  You leave now, never to return, and I promise that I won't come after you for trying to wreck my family.
David: Hmm. That sounds good -- assuming you give me $1 million.
Todd: No.  You've already seen all the money from me you're ever going to see.
David: Why, isn't your family worth $1 million to you, Todd?
Todd: What my family is worth to me is more than your sick little mind could fathom.
David: Then why does it even matter?  It's not like you worked for your money.
Todd: Oh -- you're just jealous, Vickers.  You always have been.
David: Yes, and...?


[Blair comes on the scene and thinks that the "money" talk is one of David's cons]
Blair: What happened to your last "get rich quick" scheme, huh?
David: It was going perfectly until I ran out of cash.


Todd: (yelling at David)  Get out!!
David: Would you like me to get you a megaphone?


Todd: I never want to see your face again -- what do I have to give you to actually make that happen?
David: I would say, about a million sounds good.
Todd: A million dollars?
David: Yeah, and that's a bargain.  If you'd like your family life to be a fairy tale rather than a horror story.
Todd: Okay, but then you'll go away and never come back and talk like you're talking now?
David: Why would I ever want to be somewhere where people don't want me?


[Todd meets up with David on the docks]
David: You were supposed to bring me $1 million.  Do you have it or not?
Todd: (shows him a briefcase)  What do you think is in here?
David: Knowing you, it could be dirty underwear.


Todd: You want to know what's in the briefcase?  Open it yourself.
David: If something pops out at me, I'll raise my price.


[Foreign cops have come to arrest David -- thanks to a tip from Todd]
David: Who are these guys?
Todd: Okay, you remember the trouble that you were having in Morocco?  Well, now it's time for you to pay the piper -- or I guess you could say it's time for you to pay the "hookaher."
David: You are not going to get away with this, Manning.
[One of the policemen talks to David in French]
David: What the hell?  This is Pennsylvania!  Speak English!